~|Chapter 37|~ Goodbyes

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tw////// a of lot self hate and cursing/some crying

I sat in my bed, like a lifeless body. I had just taken a shower, and Niki was now taking one in a shared bathroom. My pillow was soaking up the drips of water. However, it wasn't just my wet hair that was dampening it, but also my tears.

They flowed down my face and into the soft fabric of the pillow that wasn't even my own, doing to it being a bnb. This would be the last night I'd be using it, anyways.


You dumb fucking bitch.

Why the hell didn't you tell him?

You could have kissed him, taken a chance. You would've felt like you were in Heaven. Then when you separated you would tell him. You would've been more than just friends with him, your deepest desires and dreams come true. But no, you were too much of a pussy.


Half off my brain screamed at me


No, you did the right thing.

You should never tell him.

You would have kissed him, taken the wrong chance. You would've felt like you were in Heaven, yes, but at what cost? When you separated he would realize it was all a mistake. He would get as far away as possible from you and then ghost you. You don't deserve him anyways. 

I sobbed more as my mind went to war. Battling at what situation would have occurred if I just leaned in. Either way, no positive thoughts were thrown at me. I ruined it. Completely ruined it. I ruined the moment, ruined our friendship, ruined everything.

Now even if he did like me, he'd guess that I didn't like him since I turned away. So he'd get over me. And I'd just have to get over him. I can't ghost him, surely, but it might be best?

I tried to keep the loudness of my crying to a minimum. I sat up and brought my head to my news, sobbing quietly. That was until I hear the bathroom door open. I shoot my head up seeing Niki

"H- Oh my gosh, Willow, why are you crying??" She says as she rushes over and puts an arm around me

"Niki, I ruined it. I ruined every chance of me getting with Jaxon." I cried, burying my head deeper into my knees

"Oh Willow, what happened? Surely he didn't reject you?" She asks

"No. But I turned away. I was too much of a fucking pussy to break the distance between us and kiss him. Our lips were practically touching, Niki. But I turned away in nervousness. Now, even if he does like me which probably isn't even true, he won't anymore" I explain 

"Why wouldn't he like you?"

"Because now he probably thinks I don't like him. Or that I was disgusted or something. So now he won't talk to me as much anymore. He won't do random flirts or winks at me. We won't randomly stare at each other for what feels like h-hours anymore" I sob once more

She strokes my hair and shushes me "It's ok, Low. Trust me, he's not gonna do that. You're gonna have the same connection as before. He's probably in his room talking to Tubbo or Wilbur right now doing the same as you right now"

"I don't know Niki.."

"Look at me, Willow"

I slowly look up at her, tears in my eyes and rolling down my checks

"He likes you so much. He's not gonna give you up just because you two didn't kiss. Sometimes, relationships take time and this one is gonna be one of those. Tell him when you feel comfortable, and if that means that he tells you first, then go with it" She reassures with a soft smile

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