fifty-six

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The air in Hogwarts was thick, as if a fog had clouded over the halls to thick to see through it. Sirius didn't speak to Dorea, and she didn't speak to him. The mauraders stayed to their own side and Dorea steared clear of them all. Remus had gone looking for Dorea or even Regulus, but whenever he searched he could never find the two.

Dorea grew apart from Amos and Lila, they barely noticed, too rapped up in their hidden love for each other. They were a match made in heaven, Dorea so desperatly wished for a relationship like that some day but in truth she'd never liked anybody liked that.

She felt strange, being 13 when everyone begins to have romantical relationships and she sat on the side lines never having expierienced even a twinge of that feeling. She quit announcing the quiditch games, she slipped into the shadows. She explained to the headmaster that the mauraders were over reacting and that Dorea would never do anything of the such. She felt embarrassed. She felt embarrassed that they'd made such a scene, that she'd made such a scene.

Their grades got better as they distracted themselves with work and school, ignoring their problems by producing more. Studying more, but it was difficult for Dorea. She felt as if she was dissacociating with reality and whenever she was in class she'd fade from conciousness and be awake, but barely there. She'd be present but barely.

She stopped speaking in class realizing whenever she did she regretted it. She felt like she'd said something wrong or something incorrectly. She was so terrified of offending anyone, she was terrified of attracting attention again. Sirius had loved her, he was one of the only people who truly loved and cared for her. And her self centeredness ruined it all. She acted like the world revolved around her when it never had and never would.

Dorea had had a chance, and once she had thought it over she regretted everything she had said to Sirius and Remus. She threw out the only people who really looked out for her, kept her away from danger. They were just caring for her.

It took her weeks to realize this. And once she had she stopped feeling annoyed whenever she saw Sirius in the halls and just felt guilty. She felt ruined and broken, invisible. She didn't matter anymore, to anybody except Regulus. Regulus stood by her side through the comments and actions. He never judged her, the only person in her life who realized she made mistakes.

Regulus would sit beside her in the astronomy tower and point out stars as she sat quietly beside him focusing on his voice. He understood how she felt because he felt the same. She would rest her arm over his shoulder and hum to him when he felt washed over with hurt. Sometimes it felt as if regulus did more for Dorea than she did for him, but she was changing, she helped him more and more each day.

The two realized that they had no one left except themselves and each other. Regulus had aquaintances, and a title. He was the Slytherin Prince, he was charming, handsome, and intelligent. He was good at hiding his true opinion, but he never had to do so with his best friend. The two would never leave each other, because they'd be nothing without each other.

******

The weeks past, as the two slipped farther and farther into their heads, less in reality. They lived in the gray area between real and imaginary. Dorea slept more, Regulus couldn't sleep at all. Regulus focused more distracting his head, Dorea couldn't focus instead zoning out. They balanced each other out. They stopped caring, stop feeling, slipped into outward numbness. But deep deep down they felt underlying guilt. Maybe their parents were right to be hurtful to them, maybe they didn't deserve love or happiness. Maybe they never did.

*****

The train whistle blew, smoke escaped the engine, children chattered. The school year ended.

Kids grabbed bags, parents squealed, cars drove by. The summer began.

A house elf was there to greet Dorea, Dolly. She raised her hand and the two apparated without a second glance to her cousins or their parents.

Sirius had watched Dorea step off the train, her hair was neat, her blouse was tucked firmly, she looked just how they wanted her to. She didn't spare anyone eye contact, she kept her head down, she looked straight at the house elf. He couldn't help but notice the slight twitch in her neck, the slight wobble in her knees, and the shake in her hands.

This is what she wanted, to go home to her mother. But perhaps his words had sunk in, maybe after all she had listened. She looked terrified, she looked as if someone had held a wand to her neck and told her to walk. As if a muggle had held a gun to the side of her head. He watched as she grasped the hand of her house elf.

Sirius had thought about her perspective, still not understanding it. But he knew she felt scared, he stared into her head pleading for her to turn her head to meet his eye. So she would know he felt bad, for her to know he still loved her. He tugged out of his fathers grasp, he walked quickly towards her. he needed her to know that he was on her side. Right as he reached her she dissapeared. Right in front of his eyes, she was gone. It was too late.

Dorea's feet touched the ground, the tile floor shined clean. The railings spotless, the carpets new, the chandelier had been replaced with an extravagent one. Everything was so clean, everything was so new. Dorea peaked into the dining room, surprised to see her mother sat at the end of the long table sipping tea reading the daily profit.

She knocked on the door way, asking permission. To her surprise her mother raised an eye and slightly nodded. "sit Dorea." her mothers voice was calm and collected. This wasn't at all what Dorea was expecting.

Dorea walked lightly, delicatly to her seat on the left side of the table, around the middle and sat down. She placed her hands in her lap, she looked down at the shined table, it'd been newly polished.

Her mother set down the daily profit and looked her up and down. 

"We have a lot to talk about young lady"

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Short one I know

next update is soon

have a wonderful day/night

-Caroline

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