Estherines: Positivity, Love & Confidence

My past

"She doesn't need a hero,
She is the hero."

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The header is dedicated to you guys<3

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Hey beautiful people<3

Thank you for coming back. Now we need to have a little talk.

Whatever I'm about to say here, it's not because
I want to 'gain sympathy' or 'glamorize abusive past'
but only because
I want to share it with you people to heal from it. I need to let go and it can only happen when I'm not holding onto it. I need to talk to someone and that someone is you guys. So here we are. Let's do this. *Deep breath*

There's a comment at last where you can share your story/past if you want. We're here for you<3

//Trigger warnings: mentions of physical abuse and self harm.//

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AGE : 5-10

From when I can remember, all I know is that I was abused by my brother. He's 10 years older than me. Until I was 6 my parents used to scold him for hitting me. But then, both of them started working and I had to stay most of the day alone with him.

That resulted in him torturing me to the point I was completely used to his beatings. He never used any sharp objects or anything but since he was a lot older and stronger than me, it used to hurt.

He wouldn't let me cry. He always hit me even more if I tried to stop him. I used to lock myself up in the washroom and cry into the bucket to avoid making any noise because I was that scared of him.

(Grace's past in Chapter 11 & Chapter 39 of Affinity are based on real life events.)

I always had bruises and my mom used to question how I got those and I lied that I fell down at school or that I didn't complete my homework so the teacher punished me. Sometimes she felt bad and other times she scolded me even more.

Mostly, my parents saw him do bad things to me but they never did anything about it. I know it sounds cold, but I guess they just loved him more. I never learnt to share anything with anyone because he would emotionally manipulate me not to do so.

Once in a blue moon when my brother used to be in a good mood, he got me chocolates, took me to the park and even played with me. At those times, I loved him. I wanted him to be like that all the time but only if things happened the way we wanted.

I never understood his actions and why he would do that to me but I tried to understand him nevertheless. Sometimes he used to cry in front of me, asking me to help him. I guess he was in pain too, but he'd rather take it out on me.

I just needed my parents to understand me, to be there for me. But I guess they didn't know I needed that.

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AGE : 11-13

When I was 11, he left the house without informing anyone. He went to another state with his girlfriend and settled there. And that stressed out my parents so much that they lashed out at me.