A Love Without Time (Remus Lupin)

Twenty-Five.

I didn't go home for two days. I stayed with my mum. She told me that she agreed that Remus was indeed wrong for keeping this from me, but that doesn't  he should have told me before he asked me to move in with him, but she said I also should have asked and found out, which I don't deny. I should have found out instead of just assuming.
   
I've realized in these past few days that I should break up with him. Now I know it's a bit dramatic, but I got used to the idea of having children and I have decided that I won't be with someone who doesn't want them. It's become a deal breaker for me. I didn't realize it until I was put in a position to decide if I could go without them.
   
If Remus doesn't want them, then I don't want to be with him anymore. He doesn't want to even try for me when I would for him. So I need to move on. We had a good two and a half years together. We don't need to waste any more time together.
   
He expected it when I came back and told him what I had decided. He didn't try to stop me or change my mind or anything. That's honestly what hurt the most. He did even try to keep me, which told me everything that I needed to know.
   
I didn't want to be living with my mother again but I didn't exactly have a choice. I had healer training and the Order to keep me distracted. Lily had asked me to be bridesmaid at her wedding. I obviously said yes. But then she asked me if I would be okay if I had to walk down the aisle with Remus. Given my options were him or Peter, I decided Remus wouldn't be too bad. I didn't want to give Peter any false hope about anything by picking him over Remus.
   
James and Lily were married in early June. I spent six months trying to distract myself by throwing myself into my training and trying to do whatever I could for the Order. I hated it but as long as I was working I wasn't focused on my break-up.
   
I was fine with walking down the aisle with Remus until I had to do it. We've hardly said two words to each other since we broke up. It was harder than I thought that it would be. I did my best to be there for my friends, and I truly was happy for them. I was. But I also couldn't help but be reminded of everything all day. Today wasn't about me, so I put on my best smile and walked down the aisle with Remus and stood there looking pretty while I watched James and Lily marry each other.
   
I thought that was it. I thought I'd walk down the aisle and back with him and that was it. We could avoid each other the rest of the night, but I was wrong. The party was called to dance with each other after James and Lily had their first dance. So once again I had to suck it up and danced with him and booked it off the dance floor.
   
"Two shots of firewhiskey please," I told the bartender, and he poured them for me. I shot both of them down and the Sirius was next to me.
   
"Hey Ellie," he greeted me.
   
"Sirius," I greeted him. Then I asked the bartender for two more shots.
   
"You didn't have to get me a drink too."
   
"Oh did you want something?" I asked as he placed the shots in front of me and shot them both.
   
"I can tell you're having a hard time today, Ellie," he says in that Sirius clam tone.
   
"Is it that obvious?" I ask. "I'm trying not to."
   
"I know," he says and pats my shoulder. "Here," he reaches into his pocket to pull put a packet of cigarettes and hands me one of them and the lighter. "Go outside and calm down. Come back after you get some fresh air."
   
"Thanks," I said taking the cigarette and the lighter from him and heading outside.
   
I headed outside and sat on a bench outside of the venue. I wasn't alone very long. I had just gotten the cigarette lit when I heard a voice.
   
"Mind if I join you," asked the voice of Matt Mckinnon. I looked up at him and then back down. He sat next to me on the bench. He didn't get the memo that I wanted to be alone right now. "I didn't peg you for a smoker, Greene."
   
I sighed, "I'm not, Sirius gave it to me. Told me I needed to calm down."
   
"What's got you so tense? Is it that you had to walk down the aisle with Remus tonight?"
   
"And dance with him," I add, he nods. "Our relationship ended when James proposed to Lily, so now it's kind of bringing back a lot of hard memories being here. Remus and I were supposed to be the next ones getting married. Well, at least that's what I thought would happen."
   
He nods again, "Yeah, I understand. It's tough when you think you found your forever and then it all blows up in your face."
   
"And what hurts the most is that right now I have to celebrate my friends getting married, so I'm not even allowed to be upset because I have to be there for James and Lily today. I'm trying my hardest not to make it about me, so that's why I'm out here, taking a breather before I go back in there."
   
"Can I tell you something? I think Remus is an idiot for letting you leave."
   
"Thanks." I say then I take a drag of the cigarette.
   
"I mean it," he says, putting a hand on my knee. "You're a total catch, Ellie. You're smart, funny, brave, resilient. And that's not to mention how gorgeous you are."
   
I couldn't help but smile at him for that. "You really think I'm gorgeous, Matt?"
   
"Hell yes I do, and it feels so good to finally tell you that. Even though I never truly tried to hide that from you."
   
"Yeah, Remus hated it," I tell him and we both laugh a little bit. It felt good to laugh right now, I will admit that.
   
"I'm sure he did, I would have too if I were him. But it's not like I ever tried to actually make a move on you. I hugged you a few times, but it was all friendly. It's not like I wrote you love letters or tried to kiss you at a part or something. I knew where to draw the line."
   
"Yeah," I agreed, "Remus was always just overly jealous. The only reason he was okay with my friendship was Garrett was because he was gay. Any guy that wasn't one of his roommates he hated."
   
He chuckled at that, "Can you blame him. Look at you, Ellie. If you were mine I'd kill any guy that looked at you."
   
We both laughed again. And again it felt great to laugh like that.
   
"I appreciate that, Matt," I say after we're done laughing.
   
"Will you go on a date with me?" He asked, speaking very quickly. I almost didn't catch what he had said.
   
"What?" I ask, even though I heard what he said.
   
"Will you go on a date with me, Ellie?" He repeats, this time adding my name to the end of the question like that was going to up his chances of me saying yes or something.
   
I sigh. He had just ruined the moment. "Matt."
   
"What? Oh I'm sorry. But there's a full on war going on, I'm sorry for taking a risk and asking the girl that I've had a crush on for years on a date. You can say no if you want to, but I won't apologize for taking a shot at it."
   
"I don't think that's a good idea," I tell him. He doesn't buy it.
   
"And why is that?"
   
I decided to try to take the easy way out of this. "Well, for starters, you're not my type."
   
"And what is your type, may I ask?"
   
I was actually enjoying his company right now so I decided to play his game. With every attribute that I named off, he decided to tell me if it applied to him or not.
   
"Tall."
   
"Check."
   
"Doesn't get enough sleep."
   
"The last time I got a full 8 hours, I was a student at Hogwarts."
   
"Smart."
   
"I got 10 O.W.L.'s, and 7 N.E.W.T.'s."
   
"Someone respectful who I wouldn't be embarrassed about taking home to my mum."
   
"I was Quidditch Captain, a Prefect, and Head Boy at Hogwarts."
   
"Floppy hair."
   
He shakes his head like a wet dog. "Check."
   
"Someone kind and friendly."
   
"Check."
   
"A werewolf named Remus Lupin."
   
He sighed. "Why do you let him still hold so much power over you, Ellie? You're so much better than that."
   
I shrug. "He was my first love. I'm not over it yet. He's still who I want."
   
"Can I ask what about being with him do you miss? What was your favorite part?"
   
"I miss waking up next to him," I said without thinking about it. "I miss having him there supporting me through everything. I miss being there for him, too. We were building a life together, you know? And now we're not and it hurts."
   
"Can I be honest? To me that doesn't sound like you miss him specifically, it sounds like you just miss being in a relationship. You can find a great support system in anyone out there, Ellie. You just have to find them first."
   
"You mean you?" I ask, a small chuckle in my voice.
   
He shrugs, "If you're up for it, yeah."
   
"You're really sweet, Matt."
   
"I'm just being honest. Ellie, you are amazing, and he was an idiot for letting you leave. He didn't know what he had, and that's not your fault. You deserve someone who is going to give you the world."
   
He didn't say anything else because he was cut off by me kissing him. I couldn't tell you why I kissed him, but I did. Maybe it was all of the emotions I was feeling, maybe it was the drinks I've had. I couldn't tell you. It just felt right. He kissed me back after a moment. And we stayed like that for a good while, just making out on the bench.

-Remus-
   
I decided that I wanted to talk to Ellie. I miss her so much, and I needed to talk to her. Maybe see if she would consider trying to get back to us. I still don't want kids, but maybe if she will give me a second chance I could be open to thinking about it.
   
I told Sirius that I needed to talk to her, and he told me he sent her outside to smoke because she was getting upset about being here today. I told him I wanted to talk to her about possibly getting back together and he told me to run out there and go get her. So that's what I did.
   
I didn't run, but I definitely walked quickly to her. I stopped when I saw her, because she wasn't alone. She was making out with Matt Mckinnon. Full on tongues down each other's throats making out. I suddenly wasn't feeling like talking to her anymore. I walked back into the venue and decided to get myself a strong, stiff drink.
   
Sirius was next to me not long after I arrived. "I thought you were going to talk to Ellie."
   
"She's moved on," I said, sounding matter-of-fact.
   
"No she hasn't, mate. She still loves you. You can't give up on - "
   
I cut him off because he was just going on and on, "She's outside making out with Matt Mckinnon."
   
The look on his face told me he was just as surprised at this as I was. "What?"
   
"Yeah, it was pretty gross, too," I told him.
   
"Tough luck mate, I'm sorry."
   
"It's okay," I say, shaking my head. "Obviously she's moved on. I missed my chance and that's okay. We weren't meant to get back together."
   
"Lets get some drinks mate."
   
We headed to the bar then and got drinks.

-Ellie-
   
I woke up with a pounding headache. I rolled onto.y back and rubbed my eyes before I opened them. I looked around and saw that I wasn't in my room. That was when the memories started flooding back.
   
Matt and I went back into the venue. We danced together the rest of the night. Then again the end of the night he asked me to come back to his place with him and I said yes and then...Oh Merlin. I made a big mistake.
   
I sat up and I saw Matt wasn't in bed. So I got up and found my dress and put it back on. Then I headed to the kitchen where I saw Matt was shirtless in a pair of plaid pajama pants making tea. "Good morning, Ellie." he greeted me. "Would you like some tea?"
   
"I'm, no thank you. I think I should be leaving." 
   
"Oh no, please stay a bit. Last night was so much fun."
   
"It was, but it was a mistake, Matt. I'm sorry, but I'm just not into you like that. I was drunk and you were being nice and sweet to me so I just went with it. It was fun, but it will never happen again. My mum is probably worried sick that I didn't come home last night so I better go home."
   
"Alright, alright, I won't keep you. But um, thank you, for last night. Really, I mean it."
   
"Yeah, I did have a good time. It just wasn't the right circumstances. I'm sorry."
   
"It's alright, I'll see you at the next Order meeting."
   
I nodded, and then I apparated home.

______________________
Here's part 25!

So, I remember a while ago I said that I picture Matt to look like Hayden Christensen.

If for whatever reason you don't know who that is, here is a photo.

-Emily Winchester.