Loving the Fighter

118

Jax's POV

I was nervous to walk into Andrew's office the next day. I knew Andrew was going to work on eating and I didn't have a good reason to tell him no. On top of that, Carter had managed to get the trey down before everyone else showed up so I was still pretty full.

I think Andrew could tell though.

"Are you sure you are okay to move forward today," he asked warily, his eyes bearing into me.

"I guess so," I say with a small shrug. Andrew gives an encouraging smile as his hand disappears under his desk, like it had a few days ago. His hand comes back up with a small pizza box in hand.

I hadn't been able to smell it this whole time, not to mention I could tell it was still warm. He must have a whole ass kitchen under his desk.

"Is this okay," he asked as he placed the box on the desk. I only nod slowly. "When was the last time you actually ate?"

"We ate at lunch," I say defensively.

"Did you eat or did Carter?"

"Carter," I huff out almost bitterly.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"How long has Carter been here," I asked jokingly, hoping to keep the mood light. Andrew didn't seem to like my joke as much as I had hoped would. "I ate lunch yesterday but it was just a few bites before Carter said he would eat extra dinner to make up for it"

"Do you think you would be okay to try a piece," he asked hesitantly as he opened the box. My stomach churned when I look at the simple pepperoni pizza but I couldn't tell if it was in a good or bad way.

"I'd bring a trash can over here first," I say honestly as I thought back to one of the last times I ate. I didn't want to end up puking on his desk or floor.

Andrew was quick to grab a small office trashcan and handed it to me before gesturing back to the pizza.

"Whenever you're ready," he said as he leaned back into his chair.

I figured out the churning in my stomach was actually a bad thing when I picked up the pizza.

"I don't think this is a good idea," I say after a while of me just staring at the food in my hand.

You're going to have to do it eventually. Carter says before Andrew even had the chance to.

'Can't you just do it? Mask as me like you did at first around Kyle.'

What happened to letting you deal with your own problems? He said with a small smirk. I only scowl as I bit off the end of the pizza.

The second I felt it touch my tongue, flashbacks invaded my thoughts and I was spitting it back into the trashcan.

"That was a good try. When you're ready try again, try to keep it in for a little longer. Aim for five seconds this time."

"I can't," I say as I threw the pizza back in the box.

"You can't as in you are done for the day or as in you need a minute?"

"I just need a minute," I say as I force myself off the chair. I begin to pace without meaning to.

You need to ground or you're going to force me out, Carter warned but he didn't seem like he overly hated that idea.

I force a deep breath into my lungs as I sit back in the chair. I looked back at the pizza. I knew I wasn't going to be able to get an actually piece of it down so I settled for picking off a pepperoni before plopping it in my mouth.

The second it touched my tongue I began counting to 5, ready to spit it out as soon as I reached 5 but the longer it was the there the better I felt about it.

I allow it stay a bit longer before I began chewing it slowly.

I look up at Andrew to see him wearing a big smile.

I decided to push myself a bit when I don't feel sick or anything after a while of chewing. Turns out that was a bad idea.

I attempt to swallow but the second it touches the back of my throat I felt it lurch back up. I almost missed the trashcan as I spit it out. Bile followed closely behind it until I'm only dry heaving into the can.

When nothing else comes up I gently place the can back on the floor so it has no way to spill out onto the floor.

I can't bring myself to look back up at Andrew. I didn't want to see the disappointed look he would have on his stupid face.

"That was very good Jax. I'm proud of you," he said after a few more minutes. I can't help but raise an eyebrow as I looked up at him.

Much to my surprise he has an even bigger smile than before.

"You realize I just threw up in your trashcan, right?" I asked as I pushed my hair out of my face.

"Yes, but you did very good regardless. Almost a full minute of it being in your mouth. That's a lot better than the 5 we were shooting for."

I only shake my head as I pushed the box away.

"I'm done for the day," I say as I stood up.

"That's fine. I'm still proud of you though. I'll be here all night if you need me."

"You've been staying here over night for a lot of nights now," I note with a frown. "If it's just because of me, you can go home. I have Liam, Ryder, Callum, and Carter. I'll be fine with them." Andrew only shrugs.

"I don't do it just for you. I have a few others who are going through a rough patch. It makes me feel more at ease if I stay here. I don't mind though." I only roll my eyes at his obvious lie as I walked back over to the door.

"I'll see you in two days I guess," I say as I walked away. I mentally prepare myself as I walk to the cabin. I was not about to have a very good next few minutes.

Last updated May 31, 2021