𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 ME|| 𝐓IMOTHÉE 𝐂HALAMET

30 || i'm okay

We had been in the exhibition for about half an hour before I saw him walk in with her.

He looked so beautiful. He was smiling at her and holding her hand. In front of everyone. We never did that.

I felt my breathe catch in my throat. I turned to stare at the artwork hung on the walls. I could here them whispering to each other. "Cheríe."

I turned as if someone had called my name only to see her calling him over to look at a painting together. His hands were folded behind his back.

Lily rested her hand on his shoulder so effortlessly. She wasn't someone like me, she was born for this. She was perfect - she didn't have to think about the right thing to say or do, she could just exist in this world because she wouldn't be able to live in any other.

I couldn't watch anymore. I couldn't hear him speak to her the way I missed him speak to me.

I picked up my dress off of the floor and rushed into an empty gallery room.

The room was filled with plastic sheets and dust all over the floor. It was clearly in construction. I sat on the lonely bench and held my heart.

It felt like it was in physical pain.

I looked at the ceiling and started to talk to the only person who would really understand.

"Mum. I don't know what to do mum, god." I sighed. "I really don't know what I'm doing. But god, does he look good." I laughed. "He looks so happy Mum, and I know I should be happy that he is, and I think a part of me is. But mum there's a much bigger part that just ...

I just want to have him hold me again. I just really thought things might be different. You always told me I was so silly, I always seem to forget I have emotions. Of course this wasn't going to be different.

I really love him mama. What does that mean? What do I do mum?" I dropped my head in my hands and groaned. "I was doing so well and then when I see him, or when I'm with him everything goes wrong mum. It all goes wrong but it's so worth it.

The worst part mum is there is a man waiting outside there for me," I thought about Harry, "and he wouldn't hurt me that way ever and the man who already has I'd do anything for him to break my heart twice."

I let one tear fall.

I sighed and looked around me, I imagine what mum would say to do and pulled my phone out of my pocket and pressed play on her happy song.

The organ started blaring out and so did the guitar strumming and then George Michael's voice was singing out of my phone in the middle of an abandoned room in the Met museum.

I started laughing at how bizarre and wonderfully fucked up my life had become. I brushed myself off and started to dance like mum taught me to.

"I love you mum." I shouted out and then started singing her the lyrics. I got up onto the bench and jumped off mock-rock-god. I brushed my tears away and tried to dance myself into happiness.

I turned to see Saoirse Ronan and Florence Pugh both gob smacked giggling, then they came over and danced as well.

"Hey, you're Cara - right?" Florence asked. I nodded shy and embarrassed.

"I love your writing so much, I'm going through a breakup right now so, really relate." She smiled sweetly. She gave me a hug and Saoirse agreed.

"Yeah, you're like really fucking cool man. And you've got good music taste!" She grinned.

"This is so embarrassing." I shook my head and face palmed myself.

"Hey, what? No, no it's not. We just got lost looking for the loo - that's embarrassing." Saoirse admitted and I could tell she was only saying it to make me feel better.

"Oh god I actually really need a drink now. But I know where the toilets are, I can show you guys?" I offered pathetically.

"Yeah, that'd be great. We want to get to know you better as well!" The laughed dancing a little in the corridor.

Once in the bathroom I pulled out a cigarette like Viv and Lou used to in Paris with me. I missed them so much. I sat on the bathroom sink as they pee'd and then when they came out to wash they're hands Florence wanted to get a picture.

We took a picture and then suddenly Saoirse and Florence turned their heads to kiss me on the cheek.

I couldn't stop giggling. We came out into the main hall to order some drinks. I got a whiskey like I had been recently.

If I drunk rum and coke it'd just taste like T.

We went and sat down around a table and I turned to feel a hand on my back.

I looked up and smiled to see Harry. He introduced himself as a big fan of the girls.

Madonna was playing and we all started dancing to 'Holiday'. We were mid joke when I saw a tall-slender figure approaching our table.

"Hi." Timothée half smiled - awkwardly.

Saoirse and Florence hugged him leaving Harry to give him a very awkward and tense handshake.

I was the furthest away from him so he gave me an extremely odd nod.

Was that it? After all this time? After the last things I had said to him, and all I got was a nod?

"How are you guys tonight?" He asked awkwardly. I wasn't really listening to what anyone was saying.

I didn't want to look at him too much, I didn't want to make anything obvious or be rude and I didn't want to give him that satisfaction.

Instead I paid a lot of my attention to my hands, the room and Harry's hair. I alternated between the three.

My thoughts had stopped and unless I reminded myself to exhale so had my breathing.

"Hey, Cara can we talk?" I head his voice say my name.

I tried to stay standing but my whole body felt so weak after hearing that.

How he said my name like I was stranger. He had never said my name like that. Not the first time he said in that bar in Paris or the last.

I looked to Harry. He gave me a warm understanding smile. I wish he had been protective and over-bearing. I wish his look had warned me, but that wasn't Harry.

"Sure." I smiled to the rest of the group in apology and led the way for us to go and talk on the steps.

I sat down first, not trusting my legs. I put my drink on the floor beside me.

I looked up and for the first time, in nearly a year and a half I didn't have to close my eyes to see his. Those beautiful eyes seemed to have grown even more so in their absence of my life.

Our eyes held a gaze for a few seconds before I forced mine to slip away.

"How are you?" He asked me. His voice was all rugged and rough.

I thought of how strange it was how he spoke to me now.

After knowing me the best he ever had, he was speaking to me like I was a stranger yet when he had known me the least he spoke to me like he knew me the way he does now.

"I'm okay."

I think the way I said it, he could tell I really did mean it.

What do you guys think? Let me know, I wanna hear and talk w u guys 💋💋 I think you guys are going to hate me soon but pls trust me I have such a good idea - it's to do with a confession ;)
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