CHRYSALIS

36.

two songs today, babes! I have a note in the chapter on where to play each song.  the first is this INCREDIBLE mashup that my lovely friend carly made, you will find her tiktok and twitter in the author's note on the bottom!

July 22nd, 2021.

I felt like I just wanted to get this memory over with so here I am again. It's been fumbling around in my head all day, flashing images from those weeks we spent on the road. It made me distant today and he didn't deserve that. We went to the park today, saw my favorite statue, it made me think of her. We got smoothies, we went to the grocery store, we went back to the apartment. It was a good day, but my mood was just off. I was quieter than normal and self-conscious today and it feels gross so I want to get it out. I want to rid myself of the emotions I still have tangled into these memories.

I think I fucking hate journaling.

Jo.

March 6th, 2021. Berlin, Germany. Show 14.

It had been weeks of quiet. Weeks of polite conversation but nothing more. Weeks of working in near silence in his dressing room, or even worse, listening to the two of them chat.

I'd found a good friend in Dante. He didn't ask many questions after I told him not to but he offered me company and distraction which I desperately needed. He would hang out with me during travel days and we'd explore the cities together, we made a good team. He reminded me of Frankie a little bit but like on crack.

He would stay in my room until late so that I wouldn't stay up all night thinking, he showed me videos of his drag days and I was instantly obsessed. I'd always been so impressed by the artistic side of drag and how transformative the makeup side of things was.

Nicki and I watched Drag Race for years and we'd seen a few of our favorite queens live, but we really loved the small drag club in the city back home. Those bitches knew how to party and they always had the best coke.

I introduced him to Frankie over facetime and he met Tommy too who was annoyed to be there, as per usual. He met Britt and Miranda too, they all got along well and they told him plenty of humiliating stories about me.

I thought Britt was going to piss herself when she told him the story about Amsterdam and how they found me in the parking lot. We were at a strip club and I had done a couple of lines with Britt in the bathroom and then about an hour later I did another line of this one stripper's ass cheek. Britt and Miranda found me in the parking lot because said stripper's boyfriend was screaming at us while we fucked around in her car.

I was topless and sweaty, trying to cover my tits, high out of my mind, while the stripper screamed at her boyfriend through the cracked window.

Crawling out of that car and being greeted by Britt and Miranda in tears from laughing was not a highlight of my trip but is definitely one of Britt's top three memories.

Dante couldn't distract me forever though, I still had to witness the two of them together on a daily basis.

I wish she would have given me a reason to hate her, like a snide remark or bitchy look, something. She never did though, she was always kind. She was funny, she made everyone laugh, especially Harry. His eyes would crinkle up and his bunny teeth would be on full display as he laughed at her funny comments.