forty-four

2.7K 87 51
                                    

This is a double update so, if you haven't read chapter 43 don't read this chapter.

Harry's POV

"But you did! You did end up being another person I loved that has hurt me!"

The thing that has been repeating in my head since she left our bedroom. There was nothing else I could've said to her, nothing else I could've said to get her to stay. I've been laying on the floor drinking my problems away like I've done so many times before since she left me. I just can't handle having her in the same house as me but feeling like we are a thousand miles apart. Does she even love me anymore?

Even if she does, I don't deserve it. I took her love for granted and once again was selfish. I lied because I wanted to have her for the rest of my life but now it will take me the rest of my life to get over her. I tried to be better, I was better for her. I tried to stop smoking, I tried to put her wellbeing before my own, I tried to express my feelings to her. I tried to be a better man for her. I tried to give her the love she deserved and even when I did it still came crashing down. I don't make promises I can't keep, I broke my promise to her grandmother.

"I'm sorry my motives for your granddaughter were cold. It was before I became truly captivated by her, before she crawled under my skin and made me her home, before anytime I see the color red I think of her, before sitting on my balcony made me think of her laugh, before I started making my coffee a little sweeter so it was like she was kissing me, before I slowly cut back on smoking so I will have a longer life with her. It was before the idea of dying now suddenly scaring me because I'm scared of leaving her or vice versa. It was before I fell in love with her. I don't make promises I can't keep, so when I say I promise I will be the one person who won't break her I mean it. If I have to, I will give my life for her. Today I promise to you this; I will laugh with her in times of joy and cry with her in times of sorrow. I will support her as she strives to achieve her wildest dreams. I will listen to her with compassion and understanding, and speak to her with encouraging words. I will love her faithfully through the difficult and the easy, and I will fall more and more in love with her each day because that is what she deserves."

I promised I would be the one person who wouldn't break her, look where we are now. I should've just told her, I should just been fucking honest. I would like to say I kept this all a secret for her but that would be another lie. It was for myself, for my feelings, my wants, my needs. I guess love makes us do strange things. Maybe that's why I never fed into it, because it fucking kills you.

I take another swig off the bottle resting in my hand, finishing off what is left of it before setting the empty bottle on the floor. I was lost without her and now, I'm lost again with her. I don't know what I can do to fix this. I don't even know if she is still my girlfriend or if that ship has sailed far, far away. If the world thinks it can keep us apart, then it hasn't been paying attention because there is nothing, nothing, I wouldn't do just to stay by her side. Of all the people I used to be, I miss the one she loved, the most.

I pick up the letter she wrote for me from my side and stare at the words on the page. I will love you as long as the sun burns in the sky, as long as the moon shines its light into the dark night, until the raging blue oceans become calm and run dry. I will love you until the end of time. She said she would love me until the end of time, I guess time ran out for us.

God I need to stop being a sappy little bitch and do something to fix this, I can't handle the bullshit of this in between place we now reside in. In between being in love and out of love. In between hating each and being civil. I have manipulated everyone who has ever fallen in love with me to fall in love with me. Either that makes me a very good liar or a very unlovable human being.

NightingaleWhere stories live. Discover now