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22. Here and together

Adaline feels awkward in the car with Clay.

Their stuff is shoved in the trunk and the only sound coming from up front is the radio and the sound of Clay humming along or hitting the steering wheel to the beat. They're getting so far away from Orlando that the station is starting to static out and soon they will be left to either take the time and effort to find a new station or connect one of their phones.

Why is she thinking so much into this? She just doesn't want the few seconds of silence between either of those options. The real question being asked is why she's so afraid of speaking to him right now. She has never felt more nervous around him. Maybe because she can't get out, there is no safety line in the car far away from Orlando.

      "You okay?" He asks, looking over at her. Is it that obvious?

      "Yeah, just thinking." Not a total lie.

      "About what?"

About the way you look when you're focused like that.

She can't say that. There is no way. Not here, maybe it would be different if she had her safety line, her apartment, somewhere to go. Somewhere to run to. Unless she's about to duck and roll onto this freeway, she's stuck. Was this a good idea? Given how mediocre things have been going these past few weeks, it's a game of Russian roulette.

      "Wondering where we're going," Adaline replies. Not a total lie. It's one of many thoughts.

      "Somewhere in the middle of fuck-all nowhere, I guess. We can just sleep in the car, it'll be fine," Clay answers. Will it be fine? There's not a lot of room in the car unless they were to put the seats down. Why is she overthinking this so much?

      "Riveting." Adaline rolls her eyes, jokingly.

She's not entirely taking this seriously because it sometimes still feels like she'll wake up in her bed, alone. This would have been a dream. Not just what's happening right now but all of it. Late night drives with Clay and meeting his family, Halloween, the depression, George, Will, all of them. Everything. There will always be a part of her convinced that she doesn't deserve this. The happiness, the privilege to make new friends.

        "Cats or dogs?" Clay asks seemingly out of the blue.

      "What?"

      "Cats or dogs?" He says, looking at her for a few seconds before turning back to the road. "I've never asked."

       "Cats, for sure. But Bolt is my favorite animated movie character." She answers.

       "What's your favorite movie?"

      "You can't judge me if I tell you," Clay laughs, Adaline holds up her hands to prove that her fingers aren't crossed like a little kids or somethings. "Coraline."

      "Really?" She raises her eyebrows at him. It's not in a judgemental way, it's just that...It's not the most surprising thing. He's told her about how he likes animated movies before, but he's never brought up this particular one. "I really like Coraline too. The book is hella good."

      "You've read the book?" His brow furrows. Sometimes she forgets about how the things he knows about her are mostly picked up in passing conversations when the situation calls for it. She's never told him about how she loves to read because it's never mattered. "I read it in like...Seventh grade but I don't remember anything."

      "Well, I haven't seen the movie in a good year or two so we're pretty much on the same page here," Adaline says with a laugh.

She pushes a hand through her hair. It's starting to get dark. The radio has been off for awhile and she has barely noticed it, if it at all. Conversation is easier than she thinks it is, Adaline has always had to make a point to remember that much. If nothing else, she tries to remember that it's not so bad. In the end of it all.