Grisha - Broken Promises

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Reviewer: Grisha2610

Review: Broken Promises

Client: Robyn_Chicken

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COVER AND BLURB (4.5/10)

The cover can definitely be improved. It requires the title of the book and the author's name. Also, I have found that it seems more interesting to readers if your cover is personalized. I would suggest searching for a graphics shop on wattpad itself. You can describe your story and characters to them and they can design you a cover that you would be most probably like more.

The first paragraph of the blurb is nearly perfect. The one change you require is writing '180' as 'one-eighty'. That's it. The second paragraph is a little dicey. It really depends if you genuinely want the reader to know that multiple dates take place and that Gordon will change his behavior so they know what to expect. I won't suggest any modifications here as it is an author's choice what choice they want to reveal. However, I would suggest mentioning Joe and Troy somewhere to introduce them earlier on.

GRAMMAR (8.5/10)                                    

Mostly, it's great. I have pointed out most grammatical mistakes in the inline comments. There are some errors with sentence structures, a few dialogue tags, and a few commas missing here and there. However, it's nothing that would make me stop reading the book. It's just some editing errors here and there. I would suggest downloading Grammarly or just read your chapter out loud to fix these small issues.

PLOT (7.5/0)

*Note that I will go chapter-by-chapter and give a conclusion at the very end of the review when describing the plot

CHAPTER-1

I think this is a great introduction to the story. It shows how Mouse has a fear of alphas and kind of allows the reader to get a few glimpses into his past (by mentioning his father not elaborating on it). His work environment is also given enough description for the readers to imagine it in their head. It's short and gets to the point instantly without being too direct. I am also intrigued by Mouse's name, and how he compares himself to the animal itself. It creates a great mystery for his back-story. Overall, great job!

CHAPTER-2

This chapter is mostly without any major issues. I would have appreciated more dialogues between Gordon and Mouse as it took me by surprise when the latter stated that the former wanted to settle down and start a family. You can omit some things but it is important to write essential information about a character by showing it through a dialogue unless it's something that is intentionally remained as a secret. Other than that, there was just some confusion between names Leo and Joe which I have already stated in an inline comment. Inspire of these problems, I actually enjoyed the chapter. I felt for Mouse when he was bullied by the other Omegas, and experienced an eerie feeling when he interacted with Gordon.

CHAPTER-3        

Nothing intense or climactic takes place in this chapter; however, it establishes a nice relationship between Joe and Mouse especially with the former's back-story which I found to be very interesting. I also like how we as readers get to know about Gordon's aggressive nature early on and can suspect his actions before even reaching that point. It's a nice overshadowing. We take a peek inside the world that you have introduced to us by Mouse's reaction towards the thought of shunning Gordon. It showcases the difference between alphas and omegas pretty well. The only main issue I have with this chapter is the ending. It feels quite abrupt and unpolished. I would suggest a small modification that you can add just below the last dialogue-

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