Come Back With Me

All The People He Loves

Peggy walks into the bombed out old bar to find Steve crying and nursing a glass of alcohol.

He hears her entrance and looks over at her. He doesn't greet her but he turns back to the bottle and refills his glass.

"Dr. Erskine said the serum wouldn't just affect my muscles, it would effect my cells. Create a protective system of regeneration and healing. Which means I can't get drunk. Did you know that?" Steve asks.

And oh how he wanted to be drunk right now. He wanted to numb all the pain that was running through him at the moment but he couldn't. He just had to sit there and let all his regrets crush him.

"Your metabolism burns four times faster than the average person. He thought it could be one of the side effects," Peggy says.

She takes a seat next to Steve but he doesn't respond.

"It wasn't your fault," she says.

"Did you read the report?" Steve asks.

"Yes," she says.

"Then you know that's not true," Steve says.

He should've made sure his guy was really down before going to save Bucky. If he had stopped sand checked, Bucky would still be alive.

"You did everything you could," Peggy says.

Steve doesn't respond so Peggy continues to press.

"Did you believe in your friend? Did you respect him? Then stop blaming yourself. Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice. He damn well must have thought you were worth it," Peggy says.

That's the problem, Bucky shouldn't have died for him. He should've forced Bucky to sit out of what Steve knew were dangerous missions but he wanted Bucky to have his back. If he was less selfish, Bucky might still be alive.

"Did you know he was engaged to Lizzie?" Steve asks.

"Lizzie? Your sister?" Peggy asks.

"Yeah, Bucky and Lizzie have been together for close to ten years. He was supposed to be my brother in law. We were already like brothers but that would've made it official," Steve says.

"I didn't know," Peggy says.

"Now, the person I love more than anything in the world is a widow because of me. I couldn't even bring his body back for her to bury," Steve says bitterly.

Peggy stays silent because what could she possibly say?

"I'm going to ask Phillips to not send out the condolence letter," Steve says.

This surprises Peggy because surely Steve can't believe that Barnes could have survived that fall.

"Steve... there's no way that Barnes could have survived," Peggy says.

"I know, I know he's dead. Lizzie just doesn't deserve to read from a letter that the love of her life is gone. I'm going after Schmidt and I'm not going to stop until all of Hydra is dead or captured," Steve says.

"You won't be alone," Peggy reassures him.

"But when Hydra is taken care of, I'm going to ask for some leave time. Lizzie needs to hear it from me that Bucky is dead. She needs someone to comfort her when she inevitably falls apart," Steve explains.

She can see that Steve is tearing himself apart but there's nothing she can do.

"You are a good brother," Peggy tells him.

Steve scoffs and gives out a sarcastic laugh.

"If that were true, we wouldn't be having this conversation," Steve says.