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23. Slow Dance in the Snow

      Adaline can easily just sit and stare out the window but Clay cannot, he's antsy like a dog. Adaline watches is leg bounce and his fingers tap on the steering wheel. She notices how hard he focuses on the road as to not look around. She just keeps watching him and talking to him. If he would let her, she would drive but he's pretty set on getting them to where they're going. Plus, she technically only has a permit and he doesn't trust her.

She keeps her eyes on him since he hasn't seemed to notice her. Watching and learning. Soaking in things about him. Is this creepy? Maybe.

      "You got any plans for Christmas?" Clay asks, glancing over at Adaline.

      "Not really, family is visiting," Adaline shrugs it off.

      "Wait, really?" Clay asks, turning to her with a confused and shocked expression.

Adaline knows she's never really brought up her family before. Not anything that could possibly give Clay anything to remember. Well, except for what she said about them not caring last night. The girl can't help but feel like she may have ruined a good thing, the mystery of her past and the safety she has from his judgment because of it. She's never overshared before, but does this really count as oversharing?

      "Yeah. My brother and sister."

      "You- You have siblings?" Clay asks. She has to point at the road in front of him to remind him of the fact that he is literally driving right now.

      "Yeah? I thought I told you this?" Adaline says. "An older brother and an older sister. Gabriel and Aimee."

      "Right! I thought you guys didn't talk anymore?" Clay glances over at her. He looks so helplessly confused that Adaline is stopping herself from laughing.

      "We don't talk much. Aimee just kind of...She's just showing up. Kind of dreading it," Adaline shrugs again. She doesn't want to talk about this anymore. "You have any plans?"

She knows what she's doing is rude, changing the subject. She knows that he always gets distracted by whatever question she asks. Adaline knows it's sort of messed up in an obscure way. She doesn't really care. Well, she does. Definitely not as much as she should.

Clay's easy. He gets distracted easily, she makes him laugh easily. Is this what love is? Easy? Adaline doesn't know. Maybe she never will because she doesn't know if one sided feelings really even count as love. Maybe this friendship is love. She doesn't know, and maybe she never will. That's a hard pill to swallow for Adaline.

She does know that her view has changed and with that so has she. A year ago she wouldn't have cared if she understood what love really was or not because a year ago boys and relationships were the least of her problems. A year ago, if she was asked what love is she would answer Madi, Maira, and Dante. Saturday nights and sneaking out and Ihop after the play. Now what would she answer? Driving and minecraft and the holidays. Something new, scary. Fear that she has to embrace. Being uncomfortable and being okay with it. It's so much more now, something so different than it was a year ago. Than it was when she met Clay a few months ago.

She shifts in her seat, bringing up her knees so that they're resting on the door. She's wearing Clay's hoodie, the one that he gave her when they first met. There's a comfort in nostalgia, not in the nostalgia from highschool and her family but from him. There's guilt in it, too.

      "Yeah, yeah, just hanging out with family and...Don't change the subject, Adaline!" Clay swiftly objects. Why does he care so much about her siblings? Adaline looks away, out the window. "Why wouldn't you tell me that your siblings are coming?"