That's why

He seems to be at peace

I visited his birthday party. We could talk normally but everything still felt so weird. Why do I have to see the good in people all the time? I guess I just felt sorry for him that he didn't have my other friends, which made the load even heavier to handle for me. It took me 3 hours to get to his house, everything during the trip went unexpectedly well. His dad and he were going to pick me up from the station. That part of the plan was also completed. We arrived at his house and he noticed that there were more cars as usual parked in front of his house. 

There was a surprise party. I was in a strange city, a strange neighbourhood, a strange house and even more strangers than I expected there to be. I was freaking out right there. His whole family thought I was his girlfriend and when I told his uncle I wasn't he was very surprised. He asked, "Not even friends with benefits?" I laughed at that question and said no.

I gave the dude a drawing I promised him to make and also gave him a hug. If he could I think he never would have let me go ever again. On the one hand, I was like, alright the hug is also meant as a birthday gift. On the other hand, I really wanted him to let go because I was very uncomfortable. After drinking a couple of beers I loosened up a bit and I'm glad I could enjoy the rest of the day. We went to a hill to admire the city view. We talked a lot, drank some beer and enjoyed the time we spent there. 

He seemed so happy and I'm glad that he felt that way. I think he deserved to be happy, although I was relieved when I got home later. 

That wasn't the only time we met up. A while later we decided to hang out in my city centre which was a mistake. I learned to not invite people who I'm not really comfortable around into places that I have lots of good memories in. He kept saying he didn't want to leave ever and spent more time with me. I let his arm lean on my leg because I thought some physical touch would do him good? I don't even know dude. All I know is that I, again, just wanted it to be time for me to leave. We had fun I suppose, but he was so awkward to be around in real life. I preferred to talk to him over the phone. At a safe distance.