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The air outside was hot, it hung in Dorea's lungs like honey and sat in the air like butter. It surrounded her like an unwanted blanket, and wind flew around her. In that moment she thought of her life. Of every significant thing that's happened. Any achievements that lasted.

She couldn't think of any achievement she'd had that ever stuck, anything consistent. She'd never really lived. never really expierienced what it was like to have a family, to be loved, to be welcome. Bella loved her, but it felt different. bella was her sister, not her mother and she felt ungrateful for wanting more. She wanted a mother and father who loved her just as much as they loved each other.

She wanted a family that would accept her for who ever she was. She knew she'd get that here. She'd never get that, ever. She'd never live a happy life here, here in the cold city of London. Despite it being cold it felt like sticky peanut butter each quick breath she took. Each hot headed feeling she got. each wave of dizziness. Each rush of adreniline.

The bugs chirped, and mosquitoes swarmed just above the front door, just above her head. She couldn't sit here and breathe the hot sticky air, sit here and do nothing.

In her mind she hadn't missed her chance. There was still time.

she had to leave. She had to escape, there had to be a way. Any way. She didn't think of her promise to Regulus, she didn't think about her mother or her dead father. She didn't think about anyone but herself.

She didn't understand how the chain of events had led her here but she had arrived at the revolation she'd been waiting for. Everyone had shouted it in her ears in a desperate attempt to get her to listen and she finally did. 

Though she wasn't thinking how she usually did,  she wasn't thinking at all.

 she felt her knees pull her up off the steps of her sisters manor, of Narcissa's new home for Narcissa's new family. Dorea felt her legs move her toward the street, the mirage of freedom so close she could taste it.

She stepped off her sisters pateo, off her sisters lawn, onto her sisters street. her legs moving her so quickly. She couldn't feel the pain in her feet as she began to run from the house. Run from the family that had forced her to dance with her cousin who she never loved romantically. Forced her to bow to them, forced her into obidience. Who were forcing her to marry a boy she didn't wish to.

At this moment she realized maybe she never wanted to marry a boy at all.

She sprinted down the long street remembering that time at Grimauld place when this had happened. When the hands seeped into her skin and moved her body for her, when the cloud filled her head and the vision covered her eyes. She ran faster, running away from the memories. her breathing hot and heavy. her heart pounding so fast but she couldn't feel it.

She couldn't feel the world spinning around her. She wondered why she couldn't feel her toes, her legs, her hands or her arms. But she kept running, kept moving faster and faster letting whatever force moved her move her. She let the adreniline push her forward, let the blood push each thought from her mind and she focused on ahead.

She focused on the street ahead, the cars moving, the stop sign that was increasingly approaching.

She couldn't stop.

She couldn't stop her legs from moving her feet from running. She kept running, toward the highway, toward the muggle street.

her thoughts slowly coming back to life as she realized what she was doing, wondering what had gotten into her.

She knew she couldn't slow. She knew she couldn't stop in time. Maybe the cars would. Maybe not.

Maybe this was Dorea's happy ending, maybe this was how her story ended, with her dying free. Free from her pain free from her senses, free from the cruel world. She ran faster as she begged for everything to stop, as she slipped back into her mindset from that day on the train wondering if any of it was worth it.

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