D.R.A.R.R.Y Supremacy

21 - Umbridge Dies

It had been two years since Harry had killed Sirius.

Two years since Sirius' name had been cleared, but he had been dead, and there had been nothing anyone could do but bury his dead body.

Sirius' death had destroyed both Harry and Lupin.

Lupin had ended up resigning from his job as Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and had left Hogwarts the day Sirius died.

Harry had taken an even darker turn after killing Sirius. His regret and self-hatred had grown into uncontainable anger towards everyone but Draco.

He had become ruthless, evil, treating everyone like shit and only softening up when Draco whispered to him and let him lie on his lap to cry about what he'd done to the people around him.

During last year's Triwizard Tournament, Harry had hoodwinked the Goblet of Fire into making him a champion and had murdered Viktor Krum during the maze, had won the championship, and everyone had thought that Krum had been killed by one of the beasts in the maze.

He had also murdered Rita Skeeter after all those awful things she had written about him on the Daily Prophet.

The moment Draco had found out that Skeeter had been an animagus and could turn into a beetle, he had captured her in her beetle form and had entrapped her in a glass jar.

Draco had then given Harry the jar and had allowed him to do the honors. Harry had opened the jar and had smashed the beetle with his bare hand, and just like that, Rita Skeeter was gone.

Now that the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor was an irritating old toad-like woman with a sickly sweet voice, Harry had a new temptation to commit murder.

He hated Professor Dolores Umbridge just as much as everyone at Hogwarts did, but when Draco came back to the dormitory one night with the words "I must not tell lies" etched into his hand in bright red carvings, that had been Harry's breaking point.

Harry was so done with this hateful woman. Her mere existence was already enough to kill anyone's mood. It was time for her to disappear.

And so Harry threw on his Invisibility Cloak and stormed into Umbridge's office, pointed his wand right at her, and said, "Silencio! Crucio!"

Umbridge twitched on the ground for thirty silent minutes, her mouth open in a soundless scream, her face twisted in pain and horror, her lips mouthing "KILL ME" but she managed to make no noise.

Once Harry was satisfied with the suffering he inflicted upon Umbridge, he bellowed, "AVADA KEDAVRA!" and ended her misery right then and there.

He then transfigured Umbridge's body into a dead toad and stepped on it, twisting his feet left and right as he crushed the toad as hard as he could, its guts spilling out in every direction as it got squeezed and twisted in between the cold hard floor and the sole of Harry's shoe.

Harry then left a note on Umbridge's desk.

Professor Dumbledore,

I, Dolores Jane Umbridge, would like to officially resign from my position as Defense Against the Dark Arts professor of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and hereby renounce my position as Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic. Please tell Cornelius Fudge about this. I cannot be bothered to write another letter.

The truth is, I'm too ashamed to stay in England. My boyfriends all found out that I've been six-timing, my students caught me masturbating with a rotten banana in Professor Binns' office, and Peeves the Poltergeist might soon find out that I've been secretly watching him shower for the past few months.

I'm a horrible person. I must move to a faraway country and start over where nobody knows me. But I don't want my students at Hogwarts to forget about me. So please read my letter out loud to everyone in the Great Hall and tell them this — tell them that I'm sorry, and that I'm awful, and that I hope they wish me luck as I attempt to start a new life somewhere in Asia. Or maybe Africa. Or Australia. Possibly Antarctica.

Goodbye everyone.

Dolores Umbridge
Unemployed