We Said Never (City Series #3)

Chapter 23

"Nasaan ka?"

"Nandito sa baba, kahahatid lang sa'kin ni Zach."

"Wait lang, baba na ako jan sa lobby."

I nodded as Vale ended the call. Maganda yung lobby ng condo nila, and obviously, it's a very big building. Sa pagkaka-alam ko, dito nakastay si Vale dahil ginagawa pa lang yung bahay niya sa Alabang.

Niyakap ko kaagad si Vale pagkakita ko sa kaniya. I've missed him! Pakiramdam ako ang tagal tagal niyang nawala ng Pilipinas, at sobrang busy pa naming dalawa.

"You want some water?" tanong ni Vale pagkapasok namin ng condo unit niya.

I expected a studio type na unit, pero may papasok na mga kwarto pa pala. It's very very big and spacious.

"Sure." I nodded. Binuksan ko yung ref niya at tubig lang ang nandoon! Paano kaya nabubuhay 'to?! "Wala ka man lang pagkain?!"

"Order nalang tayo." Tumawa siya at umupo sa sofa. "How are you naman?"

Uminom ako ng tubig at sumalampak sa tabi niya. Nagbuntong hininga ako at tinignan siya. My career's okay. My dad's okay. My friends are okay. My life is peaceful..

But I'm honestly not okay.

Alam kong wala akong karapatan magreklamo. Alam kong 'tong buhay na 'to, wala namang dapat pagreklamahuan. Pero ang hirap. Every day, I wake up and I just.. I think of the past. I think of the life I was supposed to have. Our baby would have been five years old now. Siguro hinahatid siya ni Ezra patungo sa eskwelahan pagkatapos namin mag-breakfast as a family. Papa would also love our child like his own.

But I have no right to complain.

"I'm okay."

"Sus." Tumawa si Vale. "Sa akin ka pa talaga nagsinungaling."

Tumawa rin ako at kinagat ko ang labi ko. I haven't shared this.. with anyone. Not even Raffy, not even Zach.

"Hindi ko alam kung paano siya okay." I started. "Ako lang ba yung nawalan? Ako lang ba yung naapektuhan? Anim na taon na nakalipas, and he has the right to move on and be happy. I want that for him naman. Pero.. ang sa akin lang, hindi man lang ba niya naisip yung kami? Yung magiging anak dapat namin? It sucks because I'm so, so miserable. And he's just.. fine. He's okay. He walked away like nothing happened. And honestly, I feel like I can never be happy again. Kahit na mabigyan ako ng mga bagay na nakakapagpa-saya sa akin, wala. Pakiramdam ko sirang sira na ako."

Nagbuntong hininga si Vale at tinignan ako nang maigi. He listened intently as I spoke. Hindi ko namalayang umiiyak na rin pala ako habang nagsasalita.

"Ena.. alam kong minahal mo si Ezra. Pero.. minsan hindi naman enough ang pagmamahal mo sa isang tao para mag-stay sila. You can only do so much, but if they want to leave, they leave. Ako mismo, hindi ko alam mga rason ni Ezra. Alam kong sobrang in love niyo sa isa't isa noon. I saw that, Ena. I saw they way his face lighted up whenever your name was mentioned. I saw how you laughed and smiled differently, you became genuinely happy. Alam kong imposibleng titigil ka nalang sa pag-iisip sa kaniya kasi.. minahal mo, eh."

Tumango ako. It hurt me even more, remembering how happy we were. Remembering the times where things were okay. Remembering the times before I messed everything up.

"Pero sana tandaan mo rin, Ena, yung times na iniyakan mo siya. Yung mga panahon na nakaupo ka sa sahig, di mo alam kung ano yung gagawin at wala siya d'yan sa tabi mo. Those were nights when you were begging for the pain to just stop. Sabi mo.. sabi mo you deserve better, right? You promised yourself that you'll get back up."

I nodded as I wiped my tears off. Zach was there most of the time, but Vale knew those moments, too. Zach reported to him if things were out of hand.