Emergency Medical Dad

XIV: March 30th, past

JORGEN

I had never cared much for the people at St. B's. I had fleeting connections with some people but mostly I kept to myself.

I made observations instead. I noticed what some people did to act more one way than another, what some people liked to do to take control of a room, what quiet people did when they wanted to get a word in. I never used any of it, but it was good to watch from the back of the room.

I had everyone pretty much figured out by junior year.

Summer-Lynne Ashe was proud, shoulders back and a commanding bitchy attitude. People paid attention to her because she was the most popular girl in the grade. It took me years to crack the code to why but it came down to a trifecta in my head. Style, attitude, association. Her style was always spot on, clothes pressed perfectly, new uniform, all that, and rich- her family had money- her attitude was always just perfectly on the dot, she was popular and she knew she was, she made herself popular because she was convinced of it and that convinced others. Her association, because of that attitude, was also very very good. She knew kids from other schools, one of the few people in the grade that did. She knew kids in the grade above us. Summer-Lynne did all the right things, she played the right sports, she wore the right brands, she cocked her hip the right way, all of it.

Neil Burke had two of the three, attitude and association. He didn't wear the right things, or at least my perception of the right things, but he had the attitude of popularity and he was associated with the popular boys, more importantly, the popular boys in the grade above due to sports. Neil Burke had a downfall, though, which was that he never truly partook in the attitude of the boys around him, he never picked fun on people and he would, though not in a timely fashion nor in a complete way, help on group projects, unlike his friends. Neil Burke was an ally of sorts, though a crappy one.

Ben Jasper had all three. His attitude was preppy, his association was that of someone best friends with Evan Peters, and his style when we weren't in our uniforms was reminiscent of someone who spent the better part of their summers in some Rhode Island mansion having aged whiskey with the Rockefellers. I would not have doubted it if he had told me it was true at that age.

Lila Cadwell had three out of the three but not to the same intensity that Summer-Lynne did. Lila copied Summer-Lynne top to bottom, sometimes even wearing the same outfits. She was popular, of course she was. She checked the boxes but she wasn't able to top the top cat. Lila Cadwell would always be a second in command to Summer-Lynne Ashe.

There were no wildcards. No mistakes. My system was perfect, flawless. Boys who wore specific things and said other things and played the right sports and laughed the right way were popular. If their hair was styled right and they wore a chain that just barely peeked out of the back of their shirt, they were popular. They were in charge. Girls who said the right things and liked the right bands and the right celebrities and made their uniform look just perfect like that were popular, that's how it worked.

No mistakes but one. Jessie Kingston. Jessie fucking Kingston.

I wouldn't say I was in love with her, maybe at one point, sixth or seventh grade when I started to grow into my sexuality, but not then, not in high school. It held over from middle school, an attraction to her, but it wasn't love per-say, it was intense fascination. I didn't want a relationship with her, that was too much, too close, too vulnerable. I didn't doubt she'd be careful with my feelings but I also didn't doubt that she wouldn't know what to do with them. I was far too out of her social group and I doubt she was even aware of me. Off limits.

It didn't stop my fascination. She checked none of the boxes. She was far too tacky in her favorite clothing, fun socks and old gym shoes in stark comparison to what the other girls were wearing. She didn't wear the right necklaces or the right earrings or the right hairstyle, her messy curly red hair falling about her shoulders whichever way it wanted instead of being flat ironed or pulled back or in a loose bun like her friends. She didn't have the right attitude, she was far too nice to everyone and anyone, smiling and waving and laughing and participating with group projects. Hell, she was on the goddamn frisbee team, the dorkiest of the dorks, and somehow she was still popular. She associated with everyone, the kids on the team, the teachers, the kids in projects with her, the underclassmen, the upperclassmen, the people from town at church. Yet she was right up with the popular group. She was, spare for Summer-Lynne, one of the most popular girls in the grade if not the most desirable of anyone from what I'd gotten in conversations with boys in our grade. Summer-Lynne was far too close to what they wanted for a hookup, though I doubt any of them could pull that off, even now, but Jessie Kingston? Jessie Kingston was forever material.