The Halo Effect

10 | deja vu

"Well, you know what?" Macallan's eyes blazed bright blue with determination as she stood in front of me. "Screw that, and screw him. We can have a great night without boys."

I'd briefed Macallan on my conversation with Grayson, but I hadn't provided her with all of the details. While I trusted my friend, the McKennas' finances and Trip's status as a full-ride scholarship student wasn't for me to share with anyone. I was all too familiar with having my family's private business targeted because that was where it hurt.

"What about Jameson?" I asked, half-wishing the tension between Grayson and I had gone undetected. We still had to sit together on the coach bus, but I'd perfected the silent treatment. He'd given up on trying to talk to me after five minutes.

"He hates dancing because he thinks he's bad at it, so it's you and me, Chan."

"Mac, I'm a total nightmare right now," I said, pressing back a laugh as we left our parkas with the coat-checker stationed in front of what I imagined was a massive closet. "I don't want to ruin your night."

"You're not a total nightmare," Macallan said, shaking her head with a smile. It faded a moment later into something a bit more serious. "But even if you were, you're my nightmare. I'll always back your play."

I stayed quiet for a moment, struck by how lucky I was to have a friend like Macallan. She'd have my back through thick and thin. I smiled at my shoes before looking up at her. "I love you, I really do. I just don't know if I have it in me to dance right now."

"Hold on," she instructed, holding up a hand. She smiled as music from the main room floated into the hallway. "The DJ just started playing Jon Bellion's Good Things Fall Apart. Now we're morally obligated to go dance."

And so we did.

Gianna and Kelsey met us on the illuminated dance floor, the lights from the disco ball rotating in a shimmering orbit. After three songs, I summoned Jameson over and gently coerced him into dancing with Macallan because no, she wouldn't break up with you if you accidentally stepped on her toes. He might hate dancing, but he loved his girlfriend. If she beamed at him the way she was now, I was positive he'd want to dance with her the entire night.

By the time I'd lost count of how many songs had played, I could almost pretend that I was having a good time. But when my phone vibrated with a text, I felt my face pale.

MOM, 8:20 PM: I shouldn't have to suck up to my only daughter with a $5,000 suit

I read the text to Gianna and Kelsey, trying and failing to keep the hurt out of my voice. I didn't want to feel this way. I'd prefer to feel nothing at all.

"Shit, Chan," Kelsey sighed out. "She's not in the position to be trying to guilt-trip you."

"Outside doesn't look too crowded," Gianna said, gesturing to one of the glass doors leading to a rooftop garden. The slim band of diamonds on her wrist twinkled in the light. "We could go out there for a bit."

"I need a minute," I said, taking a step away from them and nearly knocking into someone. "I just need space to breathe and..."

I couldn't finish my sentence because I needed a lot of things, and listing them would breathe unnecessary life into my problems. But maybe what I needed the most was the version of my Mom who I loved and trusted for the first sixteen years of my life.

I glanced across the dance floor. Macallan was attempting to teach Jameson the waltz, and I wasn't selfish enough to interrupt that. I wasn't selfish enough to make tonight all about me.

"I'm fine," I managed to say, shoving my hurt aside because they needed to believe me. They wouldn't let me walk away if the shattered edges of myself started glistening beneath the disco ball. "I'm fine and I'll be right back, I promise."