I just wish they would listen to me when I say
"I can't" or " I don't think so" because when I say that there's always a reason why.
I wish that they would just stop making me feel pressed by expressing how happy they are about An** and im**
I know I'm a sh*t daughter, I know I can't get a job right now, I know I can't get good grades in any school I go to, I know I'm not smart or helpful, I know...I know that I'm a mistake.
I'm not depressed, I don't want to die, I'm just f*cking tired. They're always like
"you're young. What do you have to worry about? You don't have to pay bills or work your as* off"
But there's more than being a naïve "child/teen"
There's the constant insecurities, the repulsive wanting nothing more than to get the pain over with, the cuts you put on yourself to ease the pain and much more.
As of right now I have 10 cu*s, following day I put them on my arm I told myself that 10 was enough and that I needed no more but I'm thinking about doing it again.
There are voices that tell you to do sh*t. I heard someone saying that the voices you hear in your head is your own voice that is feeding off of your insecurities and stuff, I believe it.
I believe it because the things I'm ashamed of myself for are my body weight, not being pretty and living in the skin I don't deserve.
I grew up in house holds which taught me that I'm just nothing, no matter how hard I try to be happy, no matter how hard I try to impress people, no matter how hard I try to stay out of trouble...it won't work and that I have absolutely no worth.
And it's not going to get any better...but I really hope it does.
