It's Not What It Looks Like

ꜱᴇᴠᴇɴᴛᴇᴇɴ | ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴀʟꜰ ᴏꜰ ɪᴛ

‧̍̊˙· 𓆝.° ｡˚𓆛˚｡ °.𓆞 ·˙‧̍̊

𝐒𝐨. 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐚 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐮𝐩.

All her life, she never saw herself as someone who took the easy way out. She studied hard, never settled for less, made elaborate fake dating ploys just to get back at someone's ex-boyfriend, and was generally the type of person who gave every situation everything she has.

Still, despite what recent events might show, she isn't actually stupid.

Taking the easy way out is exactly what she's doing here.

She doesn't think that she did it consciously. It wasn't anything she planned and plotted and waited around for. But at the moment, it seemed like the ideal solution.

Mena came to that dance already terrified of her own feelings- so when they got disqualified, it wasn't so impossible to see why she did what she did. Head all wrapped into panic mode, she thought that maybe if she convinced herself hard enough that those news were the actual reason as to why she's pulling away from Silena, she wouldn't feel as guilty for doing it.

Silena, it turns out, just knew her a little too well to let that happen.

But even when she was taking the easy way out, Mena was stubborn. Once she had decided to go with the poorly fabricated lie, there was no way for her to step back. Not even after Silena figured her out.

And it was a lie, obviously.

Of course, Mena genuinely was sad about not winning a competition- especially since they so clearly had it in the bag. But what really scared her was the realisation that the competition stopped being her primary motivation long ago.

Someone passes by the stair that she's sitting on, shouting something with drunken confidence, and she responds by lifting her finger up with her head still between her knees. She knew that confessions of feelings were hard, but why does taking the easy way out and running away still feel like shit?

Maybe it has to do something with the fact that Silena ended up being the one who did the literal running away, while Mena stayed sitting on the staircase in front of the school- the glittering fabric of her dress scrunched up, knees hugged to her chest.

Silena was right, once again.

It does seem like a dramatic movie ending.

And didn't Mena want that? To get her one teen drama experience, and then walk away from it like nothing ever happened? Was that not the purpose of it all? Not only taking the easy way out when it came to the confrontation, but this whole fake dating ordeal in its entirety?

In case you haven't figured it out yet: real-life feelings suck.

Through her wallows and regret, she still notices as someone takes a seat next to her on the stair. She'd really advise them not to do so- she's pretty sure there's now a used chewing gum stuck to the chiffon of her dress- but she doesn't even have the willpower to lift her head.

"Beat it."

The person does not, in fact, beat it. It's strange, how they don't feel threatened by this tiny seventeen-year-old girl who is clearly crying her heart out in front of a public building. If it were Silena who said it, they'd already be running like the wind.

What, like you did? A vicious little voice inside of Mena's head comments snidely.

Mena truly wishes it would shut the fuck up, because she's really not emotionally equipped for all that.