Fighting For What's Missing

42.

Later that day...

Drooping off Agnes was and always will be a pain. I can't wait for the day I can foster her and bring her home. Then it's adoption and I won't ever have to worry about anyone taking her. I won't have to worry about her birth parents or social workers stopping by. When Agnes and I have our daily calls, she sometimes complains about Laura, her social workers. Agnes says Laura's nice, but it's the reason why she's there that bothers her. And I don't blame her.

The entire drive back to Portland, I kept one hand on the wheel and with the other, I played with the bracelet Agnes made me. I love it. And thanks to it, it helped me realize that I don't have a lot of things that remind me of her.

"Will!" Charlie barks, waving his hand in front of my face. I blink a few times before shoving his hand away. "You alright? You've barely touched your beer."

The moment I got home, I immediately climbed into bed, then passed out when my head touched the pillow. I must've slept for a few hours before banging at the front door woke me. It was Charlie, and despite my threats to kill him, he dragged me back to his place for my "birthday party." The party had started long before my arrival, and to my surprise, a few people from work showed up. I thought everyone hated me, including Charlie and Robbie. I always thought they were just too nice to actually hate someone. There's a lot of women, more than there should be for a birthday party.

"Mm," I shrug. I'm just not in the mood for any of this, I thought.

Charlie sits down, joining me on the bench. "You weren't like this earlier today."

I give him a dull look and ask him sarcastically, "why do you think?" He knows damn well the only reason why is Agnes.

"I thought drinking would at least help cheer you up a bit." He presses his beer bottle to mine, making that cling sound with the glass.

That honestly stung a bit. Was I that bad before that Charlie, the man that sees good in everyone and sees people for more than they show, thinks I need beer to cheer me up? "Not in a drinking mood...but what about the women?" Using my bottle, I gesture to the woman dancing-or what I'm hoping is dancing-on the fire hydrant.

Charlie laughs. "Some of the guys' idea."

I can't help but smile. "This party is not even for me. It never was and never will be."

"Okay, that may be true, but you can still have a good time."

I look at him. "Good time, huh? How the hell am I supposed to enjoy myself when my daughter is three hours away."

He smiles brightly. "That doesn't phase you at all?"

"What?"

"Calling someone your daughter? Being a father?" He emphasizes being as he sits up and turns his body to face mine. "Some guys have nine months to prepare, some don't, but the kid's biological theirs, there's nothing the fathers can do about it-"

"Okay!" I wave my free hand at him. "How much have you had to drink?" Charlie never talks like this. He once told me that family was just a word and it means nothing unless you act like it, blood and genes have nothing to do with it.

He shrugs, leaning back in his seat, then chugs down the rest of his drink. "I am drunk though."

I want to laugh. He's not drunk. He has a buzz-yes, but drunk? No. He doesn't drink much, and I'm sure he just doesn't know how to act. "I'm gonna go."

"What? Don't!" He grabs my arm and makes a sad attempt to yank me to my seat.

This time I laugh. "What the hell are you doing?" With barely any effect, I shove him off me. "I'll see you tomorrow." Holy fuck, there's work tomorrow. Who the hell threw this party? Clearly it was someone without common sense. "Do you need help shutting down this party?"

With glassy eyes, he scans his surroundings. Then after a moment or two, he looks straight ahead, takes a sip of his beer then shrugs. "Probably."

"Alright." I get up and chug down half my bottle. "Now this I might enjoy." I've always had a passion for knocking a few drunk heads together.

********

It didn't take long to get everyone out, and I didn't have to hurt anyone. Simply saying there was a better party elsewhere was enough. Charlie did "somber" up a bit and asked me to stay so we can clean up. After everything the man's done for me, he can ask me to clean up human shit and I would probably say yes. It depends on how I'm feeling that day. We didn't go to sleep until one, closing into two in the morning. When our annoying alarms woke us up, I called Agnes, we had a morning talk, then I went off to work.

A few hours later...

"BREAK!" Someone from the main building yelled, then two minutes later, everyone was in the back, smoking. Robbie doesn't like when he's around a lot of people smoking, so we moved to the front of the main building.

"Actually..." he says, kicking around pebbles with the top of his foot. "I'm kinda hungry."

"Come on." I take one last drag-Robbie doesn't mind when I smoke-drop what's left of my cig and crush it with my boot. "I have money on me."

"Thanks," he smiles. We step inside and down the hall to the vending machines. He cracks his knuckles as looks for something good to eat behind the glass. "I want real food." He turns to me. The way he said real makes him seem so young and small. "You think Charlie would let us leave?"

"Probably," I shrug. "We would have to sneak around the others though." They can be big babies sometimes. "Come on."

We move quickly through the hall and through the double doors when a car we haven't seen before pulls up. Robbie and I share an uneasy look and slow down to a halt. A man climbs out of the car, looking like he has a gun to his head, and, leaving the driver's door wide open, approaches us. No...me. He approaches me.

Taking a better and closer look at him, I feel my heart stop.

"Good," he breathes. "You know who I am."

I feel my entire body tense, my muscles tightening. I take a deep breath and it comes out as a growl. Robbie places his hand on my chest to hold me back. My first instinct is to shove him off me, but despite being full of pure hatred and being bloodthirsty, I can't hurt Robbie.

Fighting almost every bone in my body, I uncurl my fists and step back. I'm so enraged, I can't speak. So I point to him then his car.