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BLURB:
When a french woman, who claimed to be a typist came to stay at Steph's guest house, she got suspicious about her strange activities.
Trying to ignore the different thoughts in her mind, Steph continued to live with her best friend Cynthia, and a beautiful girl Melody in her inherited guest house.
Things got worse when the dead body of a wealthy man was found in the town with a piece of paper. And that piece of paper alone made everyone grab their hair in frustration...
Dead bodies of members from three different families continued to appear with the same piece of paper, and the police was still clueless after 4 weeks.
While helping to clean the cellar of a mansion, Steph found an old journal- which held some answers.
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YOUR COVER: (10/10) You impressed me with your professional and eye-catching cover! (but I'm not surprised, seeing who designed it...). The color scheme is intriguing and I appreciate how everything is neat and easy to see. I can also see the representation the cover has for your title, story, and genre. Kudos to your designer!
YOUR TITLE: (10/10) I was surprised at how quickly I became interested in the story from the title! It's unique, creative, and wants me to learn more. It also gives me hints on what your story is about, and I'm eager to learn more about the plot. Your title is short, easy to remember, and seems to describe the contents of your story. It left a good impression on me from first glance, and I could jump straight into the story with no negative lingering impression or wary expectation.
YOUR BLURB: (3/5) I immediately found several grammatical errors from your blurb, and I found you tend to use weak verbs and unnecessary descriptions within your blurb. For example, "French" should be capitalized, you have misplaced commas, and as "police" is a noun describing a collection of police officers, "was" should be conjugated as "were." You can check out the grammar section and use any suggestions you see there that may apply to your blurb, but if you still need help, please ask! Additionally, I found that the pacing of your blurb was inconsistent. You lingered too long in the beginning, but the end of the blurb was just one sentence: "While helping to clean the cellar of a mansion, Steph found an old journal- which held some answers." I suggest shortening down the rest of the blurb to fit the pacing here. That means you don't need to describe reactions from side characters. It's better to keep to the main details. For example:
1) A French woman claiming to be a typist stays at Steph's house while Steph lives with her best friend and a mysterious girl (you could expand on the girl—why is she mysterious?).
2) A wealthy man is found with only a note that clues into his death.
3) More deaths keep happening, each body left with a note.
