Michelle

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Vic

"The nightmares haven't been that bad." A lie.

"Liar."

"No I'm not."

"Then what are they about?"

"They're usually different" another.

"Liar liar."

"No, im not"

"You've been my best friend for 3 years, I know when you're lying... and you are."

"Okay, Sophia, I. Am fine. I am sleeping, I am eating, I am fine."

"Are sleeping and eating, enough, though?"

"Well, considering you're usually here to order dinner with me, and I have plenty of sandwich meat I have to eat before it goes bad, I am eating just enough. And I get just enough sleep."

"How much is 'just enough sleep' though?"

"Sophia, I'm serious. I'm fine. Stop." I sighed and she pressed her lips together and nodded slowly.

"Still won't tell me what you've been writing?" She pushes and I rolled my eyes.

"No. But it's helping." I'm starting to feel suffocated, she's always here and I know it's coming from a good place and because she cares and loves me, but I honestly need some time to just... be alone. "Y'know, it's been almost 2 weeks... I think you can trust that I'll be okay alone." I added and she chuckled and shook her head.

"Just didn't want you to feel lonely at dinner." She said lightly and tilted her head and offered a small smile. It was sweet, her knowing I spent most dinners with Arlo or on the road with all of them, she wanted to help.

"Thank you. I think... I want to be alone tonight." I said softly and she nodded and grabbed my hand beside her and squeezed.

"Okay, I'm a call away if you need me." She smiled at me and pushed herself off the couch and sling her bag over her shoulder and left quietly. I could never find the words to tell her just how much I appreciate her.

I've been finding myself growing angry, angry that the only person who I know would be able to say the right thing right now, is my dad, and lately that's the only thing I can think about. Like when you go through something like this your mom is supposed to slide into bed with ice cream with you, or how your dad is supposed to try and cook your favorite foods to make things a little better. Which makes me hope that my mother's teenage daughter can find that in her where I never had the chance.

I got up from the couch and grabbed a glass of water and went to my room, I placed the glass on the bedside table and grabbed the notebook my the pen from the top of my dresser, and climbed into bed.

Dear Michelle,

I dont usually think about you. Normally... you're never even on my radar of things to concern myself with, but recently, you're all I've been thinking about, but don't take it as a compliment. This guy... this guy I fell in love with turned out to be... well, not who I expected him to be. And my cat got into an accident, I'll spare you the details, but I had to go home alone the night I brought him to the vet. I had to go home without the last piece of my family.

Now here's where you come in.

In the thick of grieving the past week, all I wanted was to crawl into bed with my dad like I used to when I wasn't feeling well. All I want is to have him tell me it's okay again, to make my favorite dinner when I had a bad day, to watch movies with me every Thursday night... to pick me up when I'm down. And the more I thought about him, I started to think about you. How when most girls get their hearts broken their mom knows exactly what to say, she sits with them and tells them about her own heartbreaks... but not you. You walked away before I even knew boys didn't have cooties, you walked away before I needed you- don't get me wrong tho, I learned how to not need you very quickly, I only hope you can be the mother I needed to your family now.

The internet is a powerful powerful tool, because with one simple google search of your husbands name, article after article popped up about him, and his company, and his family. You live in Nashua now, with Michael, who is CEO of BAE Systems, and your two kids, with your son just graduating from high school and your daughter not far behind. You named her after your mother's middle name, I'm glad you got to give that honor to one of your kids, I always loved grandma Rose and I'm sure she was ecstatic when you told her. I just... I hope that you're there for her the way you never wanted to be for me. Were we just not good enough for you? Did you... just not love us enough? Love me enough? You know how when you're in elementary school there's a day where everyone has a parent come in and talk about what they do for work? Well, dad wanted to come but, he couldn't afford to take the day off, so I sat there watching all of my friends go and stand with their moms or their dads and smile so widely with pride for their person... and I had to sit there and think about you, and why I never got the chance to have a mom. I was 7, I still remember sitting on your bed while you braided my hair for school, and the notes you would pack in my lunches... I hope you did that for her too. And I hope that when she finds herself with her chest torn wide open, that you sit with her in bed, and you eat her favorite dinner with her, and you hold her and tell her that this is just... one of many, and that she deserves better, and you tell her that you never liked him all that much anyways, anything to try and mend her heart a little. Because without that comfort, it'll feel utterly lonely, and entirely empty.

I stared down at the words on the paper and they barely felt like mine, I barely felt like I was in myself at the moment. I felt so angry, so angry with Harry and angry with Arlo for leaving, and just angry at the world for this shitty hand I was dealt. None of this is fair. I needed to talk to someone, I miss the way my life was a month ago, just beginning tour, nothing had gone wrong yet, my career began to take off a little bit from that point. I pulled out my phone and dialed Mackenzie.

It rang a few times before she answered and her smiling face took up the screen.

"Oh my god, hi!" She said happily and then turned a little and Sarah appeared behind her with a large smile and I could help but begin to smile back.

"Vic!! I miss you much, I can't even believe it. But Mackenzie is doing amazing." Sarah said happily as she walked closer to the Mackenzie.

"I miss you guys more than I can I even begin to get into... Mackenzie has been sending me some of her shots and they all look... so amazing. What are you guys up to? Where are you?"

"We are in Japan right now! It is... amazing here." Mackenzie said and I smiled, I felt kind of sad I was missing all of it.

"We're just hanging around after the show, she's helping me pack up... she's also telling me all about Mitch and-"

"And nothing." Sarah interrupter her and started blushing. My mouth fell open and I started giggling.

"Sarah! You have to tell me everything are you KIDDING?" I exclaimed and her pressed her lips together and started smiling.

"Mitch and I... are kind of together now... like actually." She said softly and I smiled widely and started clapping.

"I am so happy for you, oh wow." She shook her head and chuckled and there was a soft know on the door and I heard Mitch greet the room.

"Mitch!" I exclaimed and he came into view with a surprised looked on his face and waved.

"Hey... Vic!" I raised and eyebrow at him as Harry came into view in background and glanced over. My smile fell and and pressed my lips together.

"Well uh... I gotta go switch my laundry over.... night." I said lowly and hung up the call.


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Hello hello!!!!!!!

Sorry for being MIA, I know kept saying this was coming soon, but here it finally is! It's a short chapter but it is a DOUBLE UPDATE ;)

Love you all so SO much, I hope everyone is enjoying their summers and staying cool ❤️

Treat people with kindness
-r

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