Malori X Vel One Shots

incorrect quotes:

Malori: I turned out perfectly fine!
Vel: malori, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast
Malori: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! WHO PUT THE BREAD IN!?

Vel: malori... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Malori: You told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Vel:
Vel: I said sanitize, malori.

Vel: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.
Malori, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

Vel, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Malori: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!
Vel: Outstanding.
Vel: This is what I’m talking about people.

Vel: You're right.
Malori: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

Vel: I’m going to take you out
Malori: great, it’s a date!
Vel: I meant that as a threat.
Malori: See you at five!

Cerik: What are your goals?
Malori: To pet all the dogs.
Cerik: No, fitness goals.
Malori: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.

Melathia: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment!
Vel: Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!

Vel: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.
Fhaust: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.
Vel: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.

Vel: malori and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's-
Malori: Sentences.
Vel: Don't interrupt me.

Malori: Change is inedible.
Cerik: Don't you mean inevitable?
Malori, spitting out coins: No, I did not.

Vel: Three words. Say them and I'm yours.
Malori: Three words.
Malori:

Melathia: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
Vel: That's why I carry two swords.

Malori: Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.
Vel: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.
Malori: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time.

Malori: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside
Vel:
Vel: malori, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...
Malori: *Sips tea from bowl*

Vel: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Malori: Killed without hesitation.
Vel: No.

Vel: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.
Malori: I think you mean cards.
Vel, pulling knives out of her sleeves: No, I do not.

Malori: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Vel: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Malori: Absolutely not.

Cerik: Hey, you want some leftovers?
Malori: What's that?
Cerik: You've never had leftovers???
Malori: No, because I'm not a quitter.

Cerik: It’s dark in here
Malori: Don’t worry dude I got this
Malori: *Stomps their feet*
Malori: *Skechers light up*

Vel, starting the meeting: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
Berkz: But – that’s just a trash can.
Vel: It sure is.

Vel: Fuck.
Melathia: We've got to work on your cursing.
Vel: Why? I'm pretty good at cursing already.

Melathia: I think we're missing something.
Malori: Teamwork?
Cerik: Cohesion?
Vel: A general sense of what we’re doing?

Malori sitting down on a bench
Cerik: why are you so sad?
Malori: sit down and I'll tell you.
Cerik sits down
Malori: ...the bench if freshly painted

Malori: cerik, can I talk to you for a second?
Cerik: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and vel are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?
Mqlori: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

Cerik: I trust malori.
Melathia: You think she knows what she's doing?
Cerik: I wouldn't go that far.

Vel: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night.
Melathia: You were flirting with malori.
Vel: So what? She's my girlfriend.
Melathia: You asked her if she was single.
Vel:
Melathia: And then you cried when she said she wasn't.

Cerik: You have to apologize to axel
Malori: Fine.
Malori: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

Cerik: Hey, malori? Can I get some dating advice?
Malori: Just because I’m with vel doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

Cerik: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.
Malori: The cow???
Vel: What?

Malori: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?
Cerik: You’re a hazard to society
Vel: And a coward. Do twenty.