Misty II

[64] Ambition

"Do you really wanted me to stay?"

I hadn't expected that question in the middle of the night when the whole pack was sleeping. He was awake.

I wasn't that deep in sleep. But I was tired from the walk. The soothing company of the nature, the light conversations had satisfied me enough to feel content for the day.

The candle light dinner was cherry on the cake. Under the orange hue, we looked in each other's eyes and tried to fill the gap that the past days had created.

But now when we were on the bed, with my back facing his chest, when I couldn't see in the dark what emotion was surfacing on his face--he was having doubts.

"Did you not want to?" I sounded hoarse.

"Why would I not want to?" He whispered in my ear, snaking his arm more on to wrap around my waist from under the furs.

The faint wind caressed my warm cheeks. The burning twigs in the fireplace were creating a light background music.

I couldn't understand what was going on in his mind. But I knew that as much as his memories had affected my mind, he too was lost in mine.

"On the bonfire night when your sisters were dancing," he murmured slowly. My eyes opened in the dark and I knew where he was going with this. I wasn't ready for the mortification. "You were disgusted to be seen with me."

He was neither complaining, nor mocking me. He was being honest about his doubts.

It wasn't like he was getting conscious or insecure about it. Those words were not in Lycans' vocabulary.

Diving into his memories, I now knew how his thought process was. This was why, he took his time in changing into the night clothes that I had picked out for him. He was hesitant to even begin his non-vegetarian dish in front of me.

He knew about all the moments of where I had felt the discomfort. The suffocation.

I couldn't deny. I couldn't accept it too so easily. That would make me heartless.

I cared about making him realise that it wasn't his personality or him being a Lycan that I resisted him. It was always the beginning. The crossing of border and never being able to get back. It was always the sacrifice I was made to do to be here. It was the cost-benefit ratio.

"In front of your little brother, you fought your feeling of leaving me behind hard." He sounded as curious as he used to be in his memories.

His words made me feel terrible about myself.

I was awakened from the sleep and now staring into the dark.

After a normal well spent day, he had these kinds of doubt in his mind. While I calm, he was doubtful.

What of a disappointing mate I was to him. His father would have surely hated me more than anyone.

In another world, after holding his mark, being defeated like this by the border-I would have enjoyed his dilemma. I would have felt successful at making him realise that he could disgust me.

But I was full of guilt.

"There's no part of you that makes me feel disgusted, Karam." The words escaped from my mouth, remembering the night. The sudden appearance of my sisters had slapped me with reality. I was motivated to think of past life. Those thoughts were superior to the comfort I felt in his arms that evening. "I am glad, it's you for me and none of the other males."

My words assured him.

His arms wrapped around me tightly and he slowly relaxed, breathing on to my shoulder.