Pride and Promises ✔

Chapter 40

I reeled in shock at his words. I couldn't believe that Keith, Dr. Keith Jenkins loved me. My mind started swirling with the realization and I tried to think back to all my interactions with Keith. Could I have missed the signs or misinterpreted his feelings for a harmless crush? Had I been blind all along?

I opened my mouth to apologize but he shook his head, his hand gripping mine a little tighter before letting go. "Please don't. I knew it was wrong. It's against my ethics develop any feelings for my clients other than empathy. But heart never plays by the rules. Ironic as it is, I can't cure myself of this feeling I have for you. Love doesn't go away when you want it to."

"Keith..." My word was barely above a whisper. I was still trying to grasp the meaning of his words. I saw him take a deep breath and open his mouth.

"Evelyn White, I... I lov-"

"No." I cut him off in the middle. Shaking my head to get rid of the faint throbbing in there, I took in his disappointed eyes. "Keith, I... I'm sorry if I ever encouraged you or unknowingly led you on. In the span that we've been friends, I never once harbored any feeling other than genuine friendship for you. I know I may sound rude now but I haven't ever lied to you about my feelings. And I'm not going to start now." This time, it was me who took his trembling hand in both of mine.

"Keith, just know that I'd never deliberately try to hurt you. You've no idea how much I hate myself right now for speaking these words. But you need to know this now before you get into it any deeper. You're a good man, Keith. You really are. All I've done is hurt you, and yet you still kept on helping me. If not for you, I wouldn't have met Brandon and Eva would still be there in the hospital. But you've made her dreams come true. You've given me the most valuable gift of friendship- my sister.

You're the most selfless person I've ever known. And I don't deserve you, Keith. You deserve someone who'll love you more than you love her. Someone who would die for you,  go to the end of the earth if it's with you, someone who loves you wholly, from the bottom of her heart, not out of duty or sympathy. You can't settle for anyone less, Keith. Not someone who keeps on repaying your love with rejection, and certainly not someone who'll never be able to love you as anyone more than a friend."

Not someone who already has another in her heart.

I took a deep breath and squeezed his hand, withholding myself from speaking those words. "So don't repeat those words now. Save them for later, for the person who will not only hear them, but  return them as without guilt. I know you'll find this person someday. Don't give up on love yet, Keith. Save it for someone deserving." I looked into his eyes as I spoke, meaning every word of it.

I let go of his hand and he ran his fingers through his hair, messing the strands in the process. We were both silent for some time, him looking towards the city and me at my toes, unable to meet his eyes knowing I'd hurt him. He finally turned to me after some long, agonizing minutes of silence and forced a smile.

"You're right. I deserve more," he nodded. I returned it with a watery smile of my own. "But I don't ever want you feeling guilty, Eves. It's not your fault. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. I knew all along that you never and never will feel the same way for me but I loved you anyway. And I just wanted to take the load off my chest by telling you. Eves, you... you're perfect. You're successful, yet still down-to-earth; kind yet straightforward; beautiful yet humble. But you're not what I deserve. I know it now. As perfect as you are, I deserve someone who loves me back. Someone who is perfect for me. I... I think I need some time to think about all these and hopefully, get you out of my mind."

I furrowed my eyes in confusion. "What're you talking about, Keith? You're not moving away because of me, are you?"

He let out a small chuckle at that. "God, no! Nothing as dramatic, I assure you. I just meant that I need some space. Now that Eva is well and okay, I'm thinking of moving to another case and assigning a fellow doctor for her. I'll be available if there's a problem or if you need anything, of course. I just... don't think I can continue her therapy anymore. I'm sorry, Eves, but I don't want my personal emotions interfering with my profession. But you don't need to worry about Eva, though. I'll make sure that she's in capable hands."