Dance For Me

Chapter 29

Camila's POV

I sank down across the sheets picking up the unfamiliar book within my palms to scan over the half torn black cover with a dent in my confusion.. the slick pages and perfumed after scent leading me to believe this wasn't supposed to be a gift..

I opened up the first page confused as a date sat marked from at least 2 years prior.. it was written in a handwriting style I didn't recognise but as soon as I began to read I almost immediately guessed it to belong to Lauren.. the constant cursing and mildly aggressive phrasing the biggest tell of all..

'Fuck Social Norm! Daddy this and daddy that, honestly who gives a SHIT!'

It read, the very first line obviously an experiment in venting against a page.. why was this here though? In my room? I assumed maybe Lauren had put it there to comfort me in getting to know her.. she said she'd had her moments just as I had so this could be her way of proving it? I smiled.. sank back and began to flip through the old pages.. learning about her dislikes and fears.. traumas and successes too!

Finally I arrived within a more recent year dated back in March, the title being 'Emma #1'. The only Emma I knew of was the teacher and best friend within the academy.. number 1 obviously meant her to soon be a talking point in reflection.. but still, I was ready to read

'I invited Emma over to sleep the night, hoping we'd get to cuddle for some reason? She was my comfort blanket it seemed and made me feel somewhat calm.. her eyes were bright and her cheeks perfectly puffy. She wore rings upon her fingers I often caught myself staring at just to maintain a focus.. she was gorgeous of course! Even the way she spoke it was soft and gentle, not degrading nor harsh! I really liked spending time with her..'

The words were cute.. I never knew Lauren to be that soft but I guess we all had a squishy side to maintain in private! I flipped through now intrigued, missing out all other pages that didn't have her name scribbled across the top.. many were similar to the first but as weeks went by the excerpts began to take a more detailed turn.. I swallowed harshly, folded my legs into a cross before continuing on to one dated back now exactly a year

'It bothers me how much I stare at her.. watch her as she walks and talks even if it isn't at me? She glimmers when she smiles and looks down when she gets nervous.. her laugh is contagious and I often find myself being funny just to hear it.. Fallon caught me looking today, she told me I was crushing but honestly I'd never thought about it.. she was my best friend and that simply wasn't an option in my stupidly chaotic mind?'

'Crushing' was the word that struck me first.. I even went back to read it again as I tried to figure out what it had really meant.. I wasn't stupid turns out.. Lauren had crushed on Emma? I flipped forwards again, found another page, I began to read this time with a furrowed brows and wide open jaw

'Falling in love with your best friend hurt, knowing that you'd never be the one to hold nor touch them was painful beyond belief.. I found myself now watching her differently.. holding her hand when she approached me in a way that seemed reserved.. I didn't want to tell her because maybe deep down she'd never see me the same? I didn't want that of course as without her I was nothing but an angry shell of a woman.. with her I was calm and talkative.. gentle and responsive.. why did the world have to separate us like this?'

I tried to comprehend that what I was reading happened to be real.. the deepest most inner thoughts of Lauren's mind all detailed like devastating poetry too demanding for even the strongest of emotions.. she had been in love with Emma.. the woman who taught me and saved me from her on more than one occasion.. my biggest ask right now was why Emma didn't want her back.. why didn't she feel the same way? My temper began to grow as an immediate spike of rage build within me.. jealousy flowing through my veins even with the knowledge that Lauren had given me this book for an evident reason..