We the Weirdos

Chapter Seven

"Did you hear that?" I asked Lysander.

"Hear what?" he asked, pretending to be confused.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

Then he said, "What if they're looking for someone else? Maybe they're looking for the evil person who created potatoes? Who knows?" He said with a hint of hope in his voice.

Then I (fake) smiled sweetly and said, "But what if it is coming for us?"

I think I just crushed his hopes for everything. Oops.

"What bad thing did we do? We didn't do nothing." He said. I, only this time, excused him from the terrible grammar mistake. Or word choice. Either one works.

"We only were two innocent people- no, one, because you're not that innocent- that went to the grocery store to get Cheeze-its! Who's going to arrest us for going to the store like normal human beings! But I'm not saying we are normal human beings. I'm just saying we were doing something normal human beings did." He rambled on.

At that point, I wasn't even listening to him anymore. Maybe he really was right. We only went to the grocery store to get Cheeze-its! No one can arrest us for that.

"And Goldfish." I added.

"Huh? Oh, right, yes, I suppose. See, we'll be fine."

Who knows, maybe the paramedics are here to take Lysander to the mental hospital, who knows? I'll make sure to visit him a few times just to show him some mercy.

We walked back in the house to see that the principal was still gone. Good, he better not be here to see me get arrested....

Enough about that happy talk! We should really just  be here and snack on Goldfish or Cheeze-its or whatever food we have left.

After a few minutes, Lysander got creeped out. He kept on asking me questions like, "Is my mom going to disown me?" or "What if my mom doesn't want me anymore?" or something along the lines of  "We're going to die in a principal's house! But even if we don't we're going get arrested! NOOOO!!"

This did not earn Lysander any Julia Points.

Right now, I'm the one who's comforting him. Just to let you know, all of this took a span of five minutes. I have no idea how freaked out a person could get in just five minutes. I never wanted to be a psychologist or whatever so I have no idea. But even if you weren't a psychologist, you'd still be able to see that this ginormous, six feet tall 17 year on the couch at his principal's house is just having a mental breakdown.

Except that his words were out loud and I actually wanted to throw something that wasn't a pillow at his face. He didn't deserve a pillow. Maybe we should go back to the store so I could pick up some silly string. Or maybe it could be just me that goes to the store so he doesn't get suspicious. I'd like to catch him off guard. I'm breeding an evil plan, aren't I?

There were knocks on the door. We didn't get up to answer the door. We just stayed their, our presences comforting each other. In other words we were just pretending not to hear the knocks. Don't tell anyone though.

Then they got louder, the person or people raised their voice and said, "Spooner, open the door!"

That's when he really started freaking out. He started slumping in his seat on the couch. He started mumbling "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die! I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead. Nooooo!"

I sigh. Even if he was going to get arrested, I have no idea what for, he wouldn't die. I have no idea what is wrong with this guy and I also have no idea on how to fix it.

"Can you tame your attitude problem? We ain't gonna die, okay? We're too young! But, if I die, just please plan my funeral. I need the Spongebob Squarepants theme song to be played there if possible." I told him.

"I don't have an attitude problem! I just have an attitude you can't handle-" he replied, but I cut him off.

"Whatever."

"-and by the time you're dead, I'm dead, so just continue dreaming about getting your precious Spongebob Squarepants music. I am very not sorry." He said.

"Stupid," I mutter.

"Moody. Women are so moody."

"Women are not moody! There are just days where we have to deal with men's crap."

"Bu-" Right now, the knocks have stopped. Yay? Even Lysander was surprised.

No. They've increased into bangs. That's what we call yay.

"SPOONER IF YOU DON'T OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT NOW I WILL-"

"Okay okay I'm coming! Just chill, alright?"

At least I know now that it wasn't the police because the police wouldn't say something like that.

He opened the door and sagged with relief when he saw the principal standing there instead of the jolly old police (no offense to all the policemen out there). "I almost thought about getting a fake mustache, growing a beard and getting glasses to disguise myself from the sad and cruel world outside...."

I wanted to tell him to feel free to do whatever he just said so I didn't have to know him anymore. And then I wouldn't have to sigh as much, so I guess it would be a win- win.

He plopped back on the couch, thinking about who knows what. Maybe he's thinking about how stupid of him he was to be scared of the principal. I'm not saying the principal isn't scary, but I think that was the only time he was actually glad to see the principal instead of two or more policemen trying to break open the door and "kill" him.

He (ugh, I wish I could stop starting everything with 'he') reached to open the bag of Cheeze-its, with a very relaxed face, until there were loud knocks on the door.

He dropped the Cheeze-its. I wasn't going to yell at him for dropping perfectly fine food on the ground. At least not yet. And I won't be using words to express my anger, sadly.

"So, uh, Principal Nick," he said. So that was the principal's name.

"Yeah?"

"Were you, uh, expecting some, uh, guests?" Lysander asked nervously while the knocks got louder.

"No." Principal Nick replied while heading into the kitchen.

"Dang it!" Lysander muttered nervously, "why couldn't he say 'yeah' to that too?"

I'm not sure, buddy. I know. Life ain't fair. As if we didn't know that.

"SPOONER! OPEN UP!" The person shouted.

By just looking at him, I knew he was shaking.

He opened the door.

And this time, all we saw were red and blue lights on cars.
___________

Hehe... cliffhanger! Woo!!!

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This chapter is dedicated to amazinglyawkward16 !

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