Teach Me to Please | Please Me #1

FORTY NINE

❤︎ please read the super long note at the end x
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  I wanted to throw up.

  With all the noise around me, students muttering, giving me glares, all I could focus on was Roman and the way he was looking at me.

   "Roman's there and he's easy, so why not? Sometimes it's fun to pretend."

  It kept ringing in my head. In fact, all I heard was ringing, everything drowned out around me as his look of utter disgust and pain swallowed me.

  He slammed his locker shut and, for a moment, I thought he was going to talk to me. I thought he wanted to talk to me. Instead, he walked right past me, and every piece of my heart shattered. No.

   "Roman!" I called after him in desperation. I didn't care if people were looking at us, in my mind, it was just me and him. "Roman, please!" I chased him down the halls, gradually reaching out to him. "Roman, I –"

   "You what, Sienna? You what?" he abruptly turned around and snapped.

   "I..." I was lost for words as every spec in his eyes bled heartbreak. I was the reason for that heartbreak. Me. "I-I can explain."

  He laughed a cold laugh, "Go on then. Explain. But first tell me one thing." He pulled out his phone, so the video played in front of my eyes.

   "You ever heard of acting, hmm? I was bored and lonely and needed some fun, some excitement. A challenge more like. Like as if I would want to screw someone like that. C'mon, Nikki, you know me better, I've always loved a good challenge. Roman's there and he's easy, so why not? Sometimes it's fun to pretend."

   "Tell me this isn't you. Tell me this is some horrible doppelganger. Tell me you didn't say this." his eyes burned with betrayal. I wanted to tell him 'no'. That wasn't me. That wasn't the me he knew, the true me. However, I knew Roman worked off facts and the fact was that it was me. I did say that.

   "... I did."

  He scoffed, "That's all the explaining I need." And began to walk away.

   "No! Wait!" I ran after him. "I... I didn't mean it! That isn't me, Roman, you know the real me because the real me would never say anything like that. Please, you have to believe me." My voice cracked and tears welled up in my eyes.

  He shook his head and looked down at the floor, "I don't know what to believe anymore. I trusted you, I really trusted you with everything and then you go and say shit like this?" his eyes were red and burning. "You were my first everything. The first person I ever trusted to let in, to see every side of me I've been so scared to show, but I guess that was all fun and games, huh? Now... Now I'm just... I-I'm humiliated, and I don't even know who the fuck you are." He turned to stalk away. Every bone in my body begged me to go chase him.

   "No, Roman, you do know me and I... I-I'm so sorry and I want to make it better. Please let me make it better." Tears ran down my cheeks. "Roman, please. We can go back to the night of the Spring Fling; we can pretend it's all okay. Please just... I-I need you." I reached up to cup his face with my palms, guiding him to look down at me.

   "You need me, or you need some fun? A quick fuck perhaps?" he believed the video. He believed everything I said in that goddamn video. Yet, I didn't blame him. I couldn't even recognise myself in it, I saw what everyone else had been seeing my entire high school career. A villain. A cruel and cold-hearted villain and I hated every single thing I saw. I felt like a monster.