We the Weirdos

Lysander's POV

A guy with an IQ of 135 should not be as stupid as me.

That's something Julianna would say. Or Juliet. Maybe Jessica? Somewhere along those lines.

I overheard a guy saying all girls liked stupid guys. He said they were "cute."

Yeah, I didn't believe him.

I think me being stupid annoyed Juliet. But I was stupid anyways. It was fun annoying her, me being the amazing person I am.

If Janet knew I guessed on all the questions on the IQ test, she would literally kill me. Well, after she finishes killing me about calling her Janet. At this point, I'm running out of stupid names that started with a J to call her. Did you actually think I didn't know her name?

Wow, you think so lowly of me. Thanks so much.

I don't think I ever was friends with a girl. I haven't even dated a girl before. That's very hard to believe with my astonishing good looks. Yet I'm still friends with Jessie. She's cool. Different. Right now, if she were here, she would say, "So you think of me as an alien, huh?" Ugh, why can't I stop thinking about her? She's getting in my head.

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The second I looked at the peeled paint of the pantry at Principal Nick's house, I knew there were no potato chips. But I checked again and again, hoping they'd appear. You probably know what happened. Amazing, right?

I was so excited to go to the store to get potato chips. But Jenny ruined it and now I'm without my potato chips.

I think I actually knew the day I would stop eating potato chips was coming. But I ate them anyway. I just a didn't know my potato chip eating habit would die so soon. Especially from some random girl I didn't know I was going to meet.

Me, the smart, handsome, good looking person I am, knew there was a whole lot of saturated fat and whatever in potato chips. But I wanted to be ridiculous. And stupid.

You'd think I'm just boosting my ego when I told you how utterly amazing I am, and I might be, but I'd prefer calling it making you aware of my awesomeness. Hah, but not many people care about my preferences, sadly. Oh well.

By the time we had made it to the store, I'd already decided that I would get Cheeze-its. It may or may not be because of Jennifer. Even amazing 'ol me knows that one day she'll ruin Cheeze-its for me too.

Maybe I have that disease the two idiots Sid and Bob have. I totally forgot what it was called, but I am so not going to be nice to Jasmine. Even though she won't be nice to me because I related her to a Disney princess rides on a magic door. Perhaps table? No, I think it was a mat. Do I look like a princess expert to you?

I think most of y'all think it's stupid to stop eating something because of someone saying that it has a lot of saturated fat, but that day I just had to prove my ridiculousity. Or whatever the word for that is.

There's actually a lot of food with a high percentage of saturated fat. Don't ask me how I know. It's called an educated guess, people. Hypotension? Hyposenthesis? No, maybe hypothesis. Yeah, I think that's what they call it. YES! Autocorrect has not complained, so I'm sure it's it. But a hypothesis is a scientific guess, close enough, people. Hm. I like calling you guys people. It suits y'all. Well, even.

See? My brain not completely empty. It just takes time for me to remember. My brain has too much knowledge so I have to think.

I'm sure you guys were really worried about me and my pretty face getting punched. Get you guys we're waiting for me to tell you about it.

No? How rude of you. I'm going to tell you anyway, because at least some of you have to have hearts! I really hope you don't disappoint me, because that will be a real shame.

So Freddy Fascet (yes, that was the ridiculous name of the puncher) was actually the nerdiest guy in the whole school. He broke the school's history for being the nerdiest guy there. Except he was big. And tall. And glasses-less.

Surprisingly, he threw pretty good punches, and I'm surprised he never joined boxing or anything. Probably because of gossip, and we get a whole lot of that in school.

I still have no idea why he punched me! Gave me a black eye, and ruined my amazingly beautiful face.

Freddy Fascet was my mom's colleague's dad's niece's husband's son's son. A family friend, I guess. Except that he wasn't my friend.

Anyway, Jazlyn teased me about my last name! Look, I didn't ask for my last name to be related to an eating utensil. Like seriously! Principal Nick's a good guy, but he didn't have to announce it to the whole school!

And Jazlyn was the one to tease me even though she was the one with the duck species last name. Or was it a bird species? Like I said, my brain can't handle too much info.

I know you must be wondering how I turned Julia (yes, I know your name, don't be too surprised) into Jazlyn. Truth is, I don't know. But if I did, I wouldn't tell you. I still want to have secrets, thank you very much.
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When we were, or when she was, raking the leaves while I was racing the leaves, we heard the sirens. I pretended not to hear because I was too busy thinking about al, the reasons we shouldn't get arrested for! Pretty reasonable thing to do, if I say so myself.

This whole time, I've been here.

Where's here, I bet you're wondering.

Here is the police's office.

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So you've all been looking forward to this, just to get another cliffhanger. You're very welcome.

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