Like the Moon [H.S]

Chapter four

''Lovely'' is my favorite word to describe someone who I hate so passionately. I can't say that love is passionate, but hate is. Yes, I hate my boyfriend, is it common among couples?

Maybe the answer to that question was easy to be found, but I didn't even try to do that.

Sometimes I wonder whether the word ''hate'' is an appropriate one to describe the way I felt when I was around him, considering the fact that it is incredibly hard for me to understand my emotions, my feelings.

When you try to avoid every eye contact, every move of this person, what's more, the sound of his breathing, that's exactly how I felt when I first met Nick.

With time everything became a little bit easier, maybe just because of my obedience. That's the way my own parents taught me to behave with my partner.

I will always remember the words they have told me.

''Love won't bring you anywhere, but misery and depression because of your heart being completely broken.'' They didn't even try to put it mildly, to give me hope to fall in love with a man who is going to do everything for our love because he wants not only my body but my soul, to accept me the way I want to be.

They buried all my hopes and dreams just like they always do. I dreamt of finding someone who will totally appreciate and support me and the most important part - give me freedom. Freedom, not only physical but emotional.

Someone to help me understand who I am, who could surround me with things more than desire, but gentleness and care.

When I realized that I had forgotten about the dinner with our families, which was held quite often, I understood that I had to hurry up in order not to be in trouble, which wasn't a rare thing for me.

My first thought was how to get away with an excuse from Francesco and Charlotte.

When I had a quick glance at them, I realized that I didn't even have to try to come up with an excuse to leave.

They were definitely enjoying each other's company. So, I just sent a message to Charlotte saying that I have some things to deal with that I totally forgot to do earlier this week.

''How dare you forget about dinner.'' Was the first thing that I heard from my father when I got home.

''You have 5 minutes to change.'' I heard my mother's voice from the other room.

I didn't say anything, so as not to make this situation worse.

I quickly scanned my closet and chose the most simple white dress and decided not to wear any make-up.

I was the last one to join the table. I could feel the tension in the room or it was just the anger from my parents. They didn't like it when I misbehaved, especially in front of their friends or my boyfriend's family.

''Excuse my lateness, the day was a bit rough, I have lost the track of time.'' It was all I could say.

I sat next to Nick and he immediately gave me a wide smile.

I wasn't in the mood to eat anything so I just played with a fork on my plate.

''It's okay darling, you know that it is always a pleasure to meet with you.'' Nick's mother spoke and gave me a reassuring smile.

I can say that our dinners are somehow a tradition which I don't like to follow. We have been doing this for a year and a half. I don't usually radiate happiness when Nick and his family make a visit every second Friday of each month. That's why I always have to come up with excuses for being late or not in the mood to eat.

His mother is the only person that I can easily communicate with. She is very sweet and treats me like her own daughter. She is always trying to ease up the situation during our meetings. That is something I am so grateful for.

We were forced to be together with Nick. I guess our parents wanted to unite their business. Nick was happy to follow our parents' plan. He was proud to be with someone like me. He tried to do everything he could to convince me to believe that it is a good idea. He was ready to give me some time to fall in love with him, but I knew that I couldn't. So, I decided to accept my fate. So, be it.

Later, I noticed something weird in his behavior as if it reminded me of someone and it was quite easy to realize whose behavior he followed - my parents'. That's why he tried to control my every move, my friends, even the way I dress just like my mom and dad do.

While our parents discussed their business I tried to avoid any kind of communication with Nick.

''What have you been busy with today, huh?'' Nick asked me in a very assertive manner. I can easily feel his annoyance with this whole situation.

''I have to make a project for tomorrow with my friend from university,'' I responded monotonously.

''Couldn't you make it at home?'' He snapped at me and put his hand on my tight.

Here comes his control, just like countless times before.

My answer came quickly.

''No, I wanted to do this somewhere else but home,'' I returned.

The next voice I heard was my mother's.

''I think we have something important to discuss today.'' She looked at all of us and gave a small nod to Nick's father.

I felt something that I wouldn't like would happen. I felt it when I was in front of the casino today. It is time to find out what...

His father stood slowly, taking a sip from his glass.

''Well, we decided to unite our industries,'' he looked at me and Nick, ''The two of you, will help us to do this.'' I felt my heart ready to leave my body because of the speed it was racing with.

He continued, ''It is time for you to get married.'' He finished his sentence.

Everything stopped.

My movements, my breathing, my heart.