Fighting For What's Missing

45.

William
Later that day...

One...two...three, inhaling sharply and holding my breath, I hold out my fist and knock on the door. Why the hell am I nervous? I'm seeing my daughter, I shouldn't be so anxious. Yet I'm shaking and still holding my breath.

I gasp for air seconds before the door opens.

"H-h-hi, I'm-"

"William," the woman exclaims.

"Will," I correct her. Agnes doesn't call me William anymore, but it still feels like only she can call me it.

"Sorry, Will. I'm Lena." She holds out her hand, and I quickly shake it with a puzzled look shaping my features. How does she know who I am already?

"How do you know who I am?"

The corner of her lips twitches downward. Frowning, she says slowly, "not many men stop by."

"Oh...well, am I too late?"

"No." She steps back, turns in the direction of the stairs, and calls for Agnes. She turns to me again. "I do have to be there."

"That's reasonable." I expected that and completely understand, and I don't care as long as I get to see Agnes.

Agnes used to live three hours away from me, I went days without seeing her, but now that she lives only a few minutes away, it hurts so much, it's almost deadly. She's so close, but she's still not with me. I just want to take my daughter home.

The sound of Agnes running down the stairs kills the lump in my throat and makes my heart swell.

"Daddy!" Agnes shrieks. I'm grateful to see that she's not mad at me for technology bailing.

Smiling hard, Lena steps to the side. Agnes runs to me, and at the last second, I pick her up and hug her. "Hey, baby girl," I breathe. "I'm so sorry about before. I-"

"Daddy?"

"Yes, darling?"

She snuggles her head into the crook of my neck, muffling her voice a bit. "Thank you for coming." I kiss her head then step inside.

*********

After our little reunion, the three of us settled on the couch-Lena made sure to keep her distance. I can't help but look around. For the most part, the place looks alright, it's nothing compared to the home I built for my little girl though, but it's alright. And as long as Agnes is safe and she feels comfortable, then I'm good. It's only for a day or two. Plus, above our heads, I can hear kids upstairs having fun and by the looks of Agnes' wild hair, she was playing too.

"I'm sorry I'm so late," I say, brushing her overgrown bangs to the side. She makes a face, and I can tell she wants to ask where was I. "Okay, so first, don't worry-" fear and panic fill her big, blue eyes "-hey," I cup her face. "What did I just say?"

She inhales sharply, holds her breath, then exhales. "Okay."

"Right when I was leaving to pick you up, I get a call...it was the hospital...Robbie broke his leg." I wait for her to say something, but after a moment of silence, I continue. "I was the only person that could be there for him. I'm-"

"Is he okay?" She whispers.

"He's fine. He went crazy at me for staying with him and not coming to get you."

Her lips twitch into a momentary grin. "I knew you had a good reason for not coming. When can I see Robbie?"

"Um, that's not up to me." I glance at Lena, and Agnes looks back to do the same, causing Lena to flush. "Agnes," I turn her head back in my direction.

"It's fine," Lena smiles. "If Ms. Spencer's available and is about to company you tomorrow, then sure, Agnes can go."

Impulsively, I grit my teeth. I do not need permission to be with my daughter. Again, Agnes senses my discomfort and places her hand over mine. I feel the tension in my body and bones ease up, and I'm calm again. I'm still going to be with Agnes, it doesn't matter who's there. Even if it is that bitch of a caseworker Ms. Spencer who has to come.

"Can I get water?" I ask, and Lena jumps up, nodding, and darts out of the room.

"Daddy, you look tired," Agnes reaches up and places her hand on my cheek.

I am, but I can't tell her that I've been up since three in the morning. "I slept a little in the hospital. Their chairs are somewhat comfortable."

"Are you tired now?"

I cup her face and kiss her forehead. "I'm fine, sweetie."

She pulls my hands away from her face to hug me. "I've missed you, daddy. I want to go home."

I hold her into my tight embrace. "Not yet, baby girl, but I swear, you'll be home soon." Agnes moves so she's on my lap and clenching my arm. I hold her, caressing her hair, and kiss the top of her head. "How is it here so far?" I say into her hair.

She shrugs. "Sort of like school."

A few months ago, it was clear to Agnes' school in Bainbridge Island, Washington that Agnes is too bright and creative for her grade. They tested her and it was clear that she belongs in a higher grade, but Agnes and I talked about it. We're sort of on the same page. I said no because I want her to be with kids her own age, learn social skills. She said no because she knew she wasn't going to be staying in Washington for long. Now that she's in Portland again and will be staying permanently, she will say yes. I want her to make her own decisions and learn from her mistakes, but this one is just too important to let her decide. I haven't told her my decision yet.

"You should be out tomorrow," I whisper to her.

"I hate 'should,'" she mumbles.

"In this sense, me too."

Lena returned then with two water bottles in her hands, one looks ice cold, and the other looks as warm as the room. Her eyes settle on Agnes, who's still in my arms, and she makes a face.

It's a painful reminder that I'm not Agnes' birth father, and anyone who sees it that way will automatically think something else.

"I love you, baby girl," I whisper so only Agnes can hear me as I pick her up and place her next to me. Looking numb, Agnes nods and plays with the bracelet I made her. Her hair falls in her face, and I tuck it behind her head and kiss her head.

Surely Lena has enough glasses and cups to give me water in, but she gave me a bottle because she wanted me to take it to go. Agnes and I-refusing to ever say goodbye-said goodnight, and Lena and I waited by the steps while she ran upstairs.

"Well," Lena breathes, opening the front door. "I'm glad you-"

"Agnes is my daughter," I say firmly. "I shouldn't feel ashamed for holding her, okay? Especially when she just found out that her uncle is in the hospital. The fact that she's in here is enough reason."

"Will, the fact that she's here means you're not fostering her. You haven't adopted her either-"

"Yet," I growl. "I haven't adopted her yet."

She forces a smile. "What I mean to say is that you have no legal rights here. Agnes may be comfortable with you-" my fist automatically ball "-and even refers to you as her father, but you're still not allowed to...Will, I'm sorry."

"Legally, I'm not her father, but I am in every other way and soon-legally-I will be."

"Take care, Will."