Nothing but Heartbreak

16. Be my date

"Drink." Harlan said putting a large glass of water in front of me.

I was sitting in his kitchen as he moved around trying to make me something to eat. I told him I didn't need anything but he ignored me and started to make eggs.

"Thank you." I gave him a small smile before I downed almost the whole thing.

I hadn't realized how thirsty I was until I felt the water go down my throat. When was the last time I had drank water? Maybe Harlan was right, I hadn't been taking care of myself at all.

Harlan looked at the basically empty glass and without saying anything he grabbed it going to refill it again.

"If you keep refilling it I'm going to have to pee." I joked sipping on the now full glass of water.

"Bathroom is around the corner on the left." He pointed before going back to cooking breakfast.

It felt strange to be taken care of by Harlan like this.

"This is a nice place." I said trying to break the silence.

I had spent time alone with Harlan before. This wasn't a new concept for us but being here in his apartment felt different. I was in his space, he was taking care of me and making me breakfast.

It felt weird but at the same time it was everything I had ever wanted. I wanted mornings sitting and chatting with Harlan. I wanted to wake up to the smell of food cooking or to his arms wrapped around me holding me, making me feel safe.

"It does the trick." He nodded.

I wanted to tell Harlan what was going on. I wanted to talk to him because maybe if he knew more about me he might understand exactly why I had pushed him away all these years.

"Here." He pushed a plate of food towards me.

"You didn't have to do all this." I told him truthfully.

"I wanted to." The sincerity in his eyes felt like a knife to the heart.

I was letting myself get my hopes up. I was seeing something in this, the idea that maybe Harlan cared for me the way I did for him. The hope that bubbles up in my chest was dangerous. I knew the feeling well and I had been through this cycle too many times to let myself hold onto long enough for him to break me again.

"Thank you for this, for coming to get me, for everything you've done. I don't deserve all this from you." I couldn't look at him.

He was being nice. He was trying to be my friend and all I had done was push him away, ignore him and lash out whenever he tried to get close to me. I had been awful to him over the years. I told myself it was self defense to try to stop myself for getting hurt by him but it didn't excuse how I've treated him.

I didn't deserve the kindness.

"You may not think you deserve it but I'll do it anyway. If you need me I'll always be there."

I needed to tell him.

"My father is getting married." I blurted out.

"What?" Harlan gave me a questioning look.

"My father sent me an invitation to his wedding. A wedding where he is marrying a women I had no clue even existed. I haven't seen my father in years and now he's getting married and wants me to show up and watch as he starts a new family." I felt the rush of emotions.

I had to watch as my own father started a new family without me. He was leaving me for real this time and I was going to have to be there to witness the whole thing.

"You are his family Ava. That doesn't change because he is marrying someone new." Harlan stated.

Hearing those words made me realize just how closed off I had been with everyone. Jade was the only one who really knew what my relationship with my dad was like. She had been there all the times I'd been let down by the man that was supposed to love me.

"He's not my family. You know I had asked him if he wanted to come to my college graduation. I was super unsure about if I should even invite him but he was my dad and I figured I wouldn't want to regret it one day. So I sent him all the information and said if he was free that there was a ticket saved for him. I spent almost the whole ceremony scanning the crowd to see if he had come. I wanted to know if maybe he would make up for all the things he had missed over the years. He didn't show up. Instead I had just gotten a card about a week later in the mall. It was a generic graduation card from the store it wasn't even signed. He just bought the card put some money in it and sent it to me. Maybe it was supposed to be an apology for not coming to my graduation in person but he didn't even write a single word in the card itself. That's the kind of dad I have. The one that calls on my birthday once a year for a fifteen minute conversation about nothing just to fill some quota for fatherly responsibility." The words just seemed to pour out of my mouth.

I looked up at Harlan and he was staring at me. I could figure out exactly what emotion was in his eyes but they were bright, fiery with some unknown emotion.

"You shouldn't go. You shouldn't give this man any of your time when he has never bothered to return the favor. He doesn't deserve for you to show up." Harlan just shook his head.

"I have to go, I can't be like him. I can't just not show up. He's my father no matter how much of an asshole he is." I couldn't deny the truth, as much as I didn't want to go I had to show up and I had to face my dad.

"He doesn't deserve your kindness. He doesn't deserve to have a daughter like you Ava. I know you are going to go and I know it's going to be hard but you don't have to do it alone. He did give you a plus one right?" The question seemed to almost shock me.

I couldn't fathom the words that I was hearing. Maybe this was all a dream. Maybe I had passed out while running and none of this was real. I couldn't form words so all I did was wordlessly nod my head.

"I'll be there if you wanted me to. I'm not saying that you have to bring me. I do think you should bring someone though. I'd be honored if you decided to let me be there for you." I couldn't tear my eyes away from him.

What was happening right now?

"Harlan will you be my date to this wedding?" I had to basically force the words out of my mouth.

"I'd love to." He smiled widely as if he had won something huge.

I was going to a wedding with Harlan as my date.

Harlan was going to be my date.

I didn't know if this was helping my stress or making everything much worse.