Fuck It List

22: confession

Listen to "at my worst" by Pink Sweat$ while reading this. I swear it's worth it :)

At first you were speechless. You stayed silent trying to process the heavy weight of the words he had just thrown in your face.

"Why would you want to move on if you liked me this much?", you asked not being able to hide your pain.

"You kept saying that you didn't want feelings to be involved and then... you gave that guy your number making it clear to me that you wanted to meet other people, that you didn't want to be with me", he said with a sad look in his eyes.

"I only said that because I was protecting myself. I was afraid of getting hurt since I knew how you are with dating", you admitted quietly.

"But you can believe me when I tell you how much you mean to me and how badly I want to be with you. And only you", he said taking a step closer towards you.

"How can I believe you or trust you when you used the first opportunity to move on and let a girl come on to you", you addressed the issue regarding him carefully. He stayed silent in response.

"How far would you have taken it if I hadn't interrupted?", you asked dreading his answer.

"It doesn't matter, does it? How can I prove to you that I really mean it and that you're the one I want to be with?", he asked coming closer again, "you mean the world to me and I'm not ready to let you go. You aren't going to be the one who got away."

"I don't know...", you whispered suddenly not feeling so intoxicated anymore.

He approached you slowly and opened his arms indicating what he wanted to do next and asking if you were fine with it. You weren't going to stop him.

He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you to his body. You bent your arms and placed your hands on his chest.

You tilted your head to the side and he reached up his hand to gently make your temple rest against his chest.

"Please be honest with me, babe-", he said quickly clearing his throat, "I'm sorry, it slipped out by habit... but I need to know, do you like me?"

You inhaled thinking about your answer.

You did like him whether you liked admitting it or not. You just hoped he wouldn't turn this against you.

But then again he was your best friend. You knew you could always rely on him, he was always there for you and he'd never betray you.

"Yes, I do", you mumbled against the fabric of his shirt hearing his heartbeat through his chest.

"You don't even know how happy it makes me to hear those words from you", he whispered and pressed a kiss on top of your head.

"I've liked you for quite a while", you told the truth shyly, "I was just too stupid to realise and then too scared to confess."

"It's never easy to put one's heart on the line", he agreed resting his chin on your head, "that's why I understand if you have trouble trusting me. I messed up but I can't do anything else but saying I'm sorry and proving you that I can change."

"So I'm hearing you actually want to ask me out?", you asked with a soft smile growing on your lips and pulled away from the hug a bit to look at him.

"Of course, I want you to be my girlfriend", he asked returning a sweet smile, "only if you feel ready yet and want to be with me."

"I do want to be with you but I'm a little hesitant after what happened with Rachel", you confessed, "I need to be sure you don't only want to be with me because you don't want me to be with other guys."

"I don't want to be yours so no one else can have me and your little obsession over me is at ease", you explained earning a snort from him.

"Can you blame me for being obsessed with someone so smart, gorgeous, funny, creative and crazy like you?", he asked leaning and made eye contact before his gaze fell on your lips.

"Stop, you're clouding my senses and my judgement", you said giggling trying to move away but he only tightened his grip.

"That's the plan, babe", he said smirking and closed the distance between you connecting your lips.

You smiled into the kiss and cupped his face in your hands. This kiss was one of the purest you ever had with him.

But then he pulled away again, unfortunately.

"You were saying?", he asked smiling impishly.

"That's not fair. That was bribery", you complained smacking his shoulder.

"I'm just a good kisser. It's not in my hands if you enjoy it a little too much", he sad shrugging.

"Show-off", you huffed.

"I know a way how I can be sure that you mean it. And you really want this relationship", you told him.

"Okay, I'm listening", he nodded once.

"We're going to start going out like normal couples do", you explained, "which means no s£x, no kisses and what else. At first only dates."

"What? That's pure torture", he whined cutely pouting, "how can I resist you? Not even cuddles?"

"That depends on how good you're doing your job", you said pursing your lips.

"Okay, I guess I can do that", he agreed, "and for how long do you want to torture me?"

"That also depends", you said chuckling.

"Okay, that sounds like a good deal", he nodded, "I get to spend all of time with you and if I'm doing well I get the girl."

"Exactly, so be a good boy", you said in a slight seductive tone with a small smirk playing on your lips. You could understand why he liked talking to you in this way.

"Damn I'm not sure if I can hold back when you're being like that", he said with a tormented look on his face, "please don't be so hard on me."

"Hm, I'll see. Depends on how much I want to see you suffer", you said giggling as he started tickling your sides.

"So as of when do we start?", he asked pulling you closer again.

"Right now?", you asked and he shook his head.

"Give me five more minutes", he said coming closer and hovered his lips over yours making you long for him so badly.

Then he pressed his lips on yours and kissed you passionately. It got heated quickly as his hands were all over you and you ran your fingers through his hair.