Jail changed Spencer Reid.
At first, it was just little things here and there. But then it got worse and worse until he was out of control.
Now, he's doing the things he spent his whole life stopping. And then he meets her. Will she be the one to...
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Content warnings: manipulation, police station, interrogation, Jeid confession (talked about), talks of murder, self-loathing. (I think that's everything but let me know otherwise!)
a/n: we have one more chapter before the end of this particular fic.. like what?! I really don't want it to end. I love these two so much. But worry not, there will be a sequel after this 👀
....
Cold.
Numb.
Alone.
Three things that I feel as I sit in a room, I'd been in more times than I can count. But this time, I wasn't going to be the one asking questions. This time, I was going to listen to my team beg me to give her up. To confess my crimes so they can give me a deal.
But I didn't plan on saying a damn thing. Because I didn't trust them. They didn't help me then, so why would they help me now? 30 murders in under a year. I knew it had to be some kind of record. It's not like they didn't deserve it. They all deserved it.
I couldn't help but think about what my pet was doing without me. I'd told her to run if this ever happened; leave the country and I'd find her when I got out. But she's too stubborn for her own good so I'm sure she's lurking somewhere.
Or maybe she was relieved that I was caught. That she was finally free to live the life she had planned before me. Before I ruined everything. But honestly, I doubted it. I saw the look in her eyes when she pulled that trigger. Euphoria is how I would describe it. And I knew her well enough to know that she was going to chase that high for the rest of her life. With or without me.
The door being opened made me lift my eyes, but I remained stoic. Weakness was not an option right now. And I refused to let them feed off of my microexpressions. They weren't the only profilers in the room. I knew how to play this game and I knew how to play it very well.
JJ shot me sad eyes as she sat at the chair in front of me, my file hitting the metal table with a soft 'plop.' I remained unphased. I knew exactly how this was going to go. And she knew that.
"You could've came to us, Spence," she said after a few, long moments of silence. I said nothing. "Seriously? Is this how you're going to play this? Thirty innocent people are dead because of you, Spencer. We could've helped you!" I didn't miss the wave in her voice.
"I didn't do anything." I knew I was careful. I'd left no finger prints, hid my face from cameras and took my bullets. Their evidence was circumstantial.
JJ rolled her eyes with a scoff, "Spencer, please," she begged "you know what you did! We know what you did. We can save you, Spence. We will help you. Just confess."
I fought the urge to cross my arms and I made sure to not break eye contact. I wasn't admitting shit to the fucks who did this to me. This was their fault. They only want to help me to keep the bureau from looking bad in the eyes of the nation. They were trying to save their asses anyway they can. But I would not be the scapegoat. Not again.
I leaned forward, resting arms on the cold, metal table. My eyes burning holes into her face as I spoke, "I don't know what you want a confession for. I didn't do anything."
....
Cold.
Numb.
Alone.
Three things I felt as I sat in the dingy hotel room. I'd done my fair share of crying over my role in Spencer's arrest. And now I was just angry. Numb to the pain of not having him by my side. Cold like the body of the girl I killed.
But I have no regrets. I would do it again and again if it meant more time with Spencer Reid. I loved him with my entire soul and I would love him forever. But I needed to figure out how to get him back to me.
I didn't even know where he was being held. I assumed somewhere in Nevada, but I wouldn't doubt if they'd brought him back to Virginia. But if they thought arresting him meant the killings were over, they were dead wrong.
Because I wasn't done. And I know he wasn't either. I knew that the BAU would do anything to keep their press good. I knew they would find a way to blame Spencer. I also knew they would try and place all the blame on me. They'd do all they could to manipulate his brain into hating me, into giving me up. But Spencer Reid was stronger than that. He loved me. And he'd never give me up.
....
"Just give us her name, Spencer," Luke pleaded as he circled me. They'd been doing this for two hours and fifty-five minutes, begging me to give them my pets name. But I said nothing.
I could feel the eyes of my former friends glaring at me from the other side of the glass; their disappointment seeping into the space every time that door opened. Once again, I was the spectacle. And this time, it wasn't in a good way. But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except getting back to Y/N.
"You can give her up, you know? It doesn't make you a bad person, Spence." JJ shoots me her 'kind' eyes. The ones she gives grieving families as she promises to find their loved ones killer. The same ones she gave me while I cried on her couch for 16 weeks while Emily was off in Paris. She was a great actress; I'll give her that. But that's all she was great at.
"How are the boys? And Will? Did you ever tell him about your little confession?" She stiffened. We never told anyone else about her confession. The one that came fourteen years too late.
"Spencer..." she pleaded. Her eyes begging me to keep her secret to myself. But I was in the market to hit her where it hurt. Out of all of us, she was the weakest; her empathy always getting the best of her. And I was going to play on it. Hard.
"Oh... do they still not know?" I smirked as I looked between her and Luke. "They don't? Well let's tell them, shall we? Do you want to do the honors or shall I?" I pointed between the two of us.
She swallowed, her eyes dropping to her folded hands in front of her. "Spencer. Don't do this."
Her begging was cute, but I was out for blood. All of their blood.
"So, remember when we were held hostage by that unsub who was playing truth or dare?" I stared directly at Luke who had confusion written all over his face.
He nodded.
"Spencer, please don't do this. I am begging you."
My brain was running wild with excitement, "well, he wanted JJ to confess her darkest secret. And she had tried to lie but the unsub knew. So, instead, she admitted to being in love with me. I believe her exact words were 'I've always love you and I was just too scared to say it before.'" I watched JJ swipe at the tears she tried to hold back.
I knew I had the upper hand now. That I would expose each and every one of them if they made me. That I didn't give a fuck.
"Spence... how could you? You-you promised." I held back my laugh at her wavering voice. Luke just sat there blinking as he tried to grasp my words.
"Mmm... must've forgotten that part." I shrugged like it was nothing. Because I didn't forget. I wasn't able to forget. I wasn't given that luxury.
"You're sick. A narcissist who lives to hurt the people he loves. You love seeing these tears, don't you?" her voice was steadily growing, and I knew I'd won this round. "Don't you?!" she slammed her fist on the table as she stood, trying to make herself look bigger, more intimidating. But I stared her down. I wasn't afraid of them.
I could see the shame growing on her face as her shoulders slumped. Jennifer looked behind her at the mirror for a moment before straightening up and wiping her face. And then, she was gone; Luke followed behind her silently and I saw the stunned faces of my former friends when that door opened.
