Hard shell. (Russell Adler x Fem!Bell)

Problems come with a solution.

WARNING -- NSFW/SEXUAL INTERACTIONS
♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧
CIA SAFEHOUSE E9, "DIE LANDEBAHN"
(Y/F/N) "Bell" (Y/L/N), (MI16, CIA, ETC.)
52.5200 N, 13.4050 E, West Berlin
March 1, 1981

☆☆☆☆ Bell/(Y/N)'s POV ☆☆☆☆
The amount of emotions I was feeling. Confusion, happiness? Guiltiness.. A bit of sadness, but also some relaxation in between. His sunglasses laid on my sinks counter with his zippo. He left his clothes on my toilet seat and had an already lit cigarette in his mouth. As if he couldn't live without one. I stripped and stepped into the tub. The water was hot, but not too hot. It was enough to keep you from getting cold. My feet became submerged in water. He turned to face the tub and stepped in behind me. The curtain pulled to the side and the water began pouring out of the head of the shower as his arm reached around me to change it. I shuddered under his touch as his hand came back to lay on my waist. His face dug into the crook of my neck. Hot breath hit my neck over and over again.
Cold, hot.
Inhale, exhale.
His body relaxed and he left kisses on my neck.

"You're very beautiful." He whispered in my ear, then continued kissing my neck.
I blushed. I had to. This absolute devil of a man, in many ways, thinks I'm beautiful.
Ugh...
I'm so trapped.
I took a deep, shaky breath and turned to face him. His expression changed. I couldn't read it, but I think it was good. I hope it was good. He quickly kissed me, before I could say anything. This time, it didn't feel as if he was aggressive out of lust. This one was slow and passionate. What is with him and his stupid mixed signals?

I've already gotten myself in a pickle.
Two men within the span of 2 weeks.
Wow..
We pulled apart for a breath and he slid his arm up and down my back.
"We shouldn't." He sighed. Seeing him like this was... different.. to say the least. This wasn't him. It wasn't Adler.
"But I want to." I finally spoke up.
"Well, to be honest Bell I also don't have a condom." He lightly chuckled, still rubbing my back.
"Okay then. Maybe we should just clean ourselves up then."
I'm sort of relieved. Although I did want it, I'm scared.
I'll be honest when I say I've never had sex.
I know a lot about it obviously, but I just have never done it with anyone. A few guys have tried to come onto me but I can't. I can't throw my first time away. No matter how bad I want it. It needs to be special.
I guess I got lost in thought, because cold soap slowly poured on the top of my head.

He scrubbed it into my scalp, very surprisingly, gently. I smiled at him and leaned in for a hug.
The soap ran down my face with the warm water. I closed my eyes and held my breath as the soap crossed my eyes, to my nose, and then my mouth. My hair slowly dripped out soap, and the water overtook it. I scrubbed the soap from my face and opened my eyes to see Adler staring right at me. There was nothing but absolute silence. Adler had been looking down. His face was red, and not from the heat of the water. His mouth had curled lightly as he bit onto his slightly quivering lip. I immediately frowned and grabbed his hands. "Is something wrong?" He locked eyes with me. Those eyes, filled with lust and passion just moments ago were dim, and overcome with sadness. His eyes reminded me of a raging ocean. He suddenly realized and quickly turned his head and covered the side of his face with his hand. "I'm sorry." His hand moved away from his face as I tugged his jaw to face me. This has just been a total rollercoaster today. "Why are you sorry?" I pulled him in for a hug and held his hand at our side. He melted into my grasp and it was as if the comfort just made it worse. He seemed as if he was going to have a panic attack. "Adler are you sure you're okay?"

I began to become more worried than I already was in the first place. "I don't know how to say any of this. My life is stale, my ex-wife was horrible, she did horrible things, and we got divorced, but I still loved her. I feel as if I'm filling the void in her place now. I feel almost numb, like I can't let anyone in. God, Bell this was years and years ago and it still sucks. And I can't even begin to start on everything else, I just-" My hand covered his mouth gently. "Hush, and just let this moment happen." I slowly slid down to the tub with him and we sat together. My back hit the tub and Adler laid across the front of me. He stared at the ceiling before closing his eyes. This man showed me many things today. Lust, passion, perhaps even some love, and his gushy, even sad, and vulnerable side. He has many different soft spots. My fingers ran through his hair as I played with it, and brushed it while he winded down. It took him a while, but he was able to calm down and fell asleep. I guess he didnt get much sleep. Well, it's not like I could get up and I don't want to disturb him. I pushed the shower curtain and peeked to the clock on my counter.
5:39 AM.
Did he come into my room at like 4 AM?