Unexpectedly turned into a cat, Kat falls into Middle-earth with the mission to prevent a death. In a feline form she can only communicate with the elf Legolas - and that he is such an attractive specimen is certainly not helpful...
A humorous (but...
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"Humans, eh? Think they're lords of creation. Not like us cats. We know we are. Ever see a cat feed a human? Case proven."
― Terry Pratchett, The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents
25. To Helm's Deep
Great food, thought the tomcat. Nice elf. I'll follow you everywhere, and bring you little gifts. I shall call you Blondy, and you shall be mine.
Kat frowned at Legolas, who was generously sharing the contents of his plate. I told you, you shouldn't feed strays. We'll never get rid of that mangy beast now!
Really, Kat, are you jealous of a cat?
I'm not jealous of that horny imbecil!
"Poor little Tommy, is Kitty calling you names?" Legolas stroked its black fur. "Who's a good boy, then?"
I love you, Blondy.
"Aww, the wee cat's been hurt." Gimli had joined them. "Look at his nose. All scarred." He gave the tom a chicken leg.
'Wee'?! It's a huge, cat shaped monster!
Nice dwarf. The cat rubbed his face against Gimli's boot and hungrily devoured the chicken. I shall call you Hairy, and you shall be mine.
/\_,,_,. /\_,,_/\ ( ಠ_ಠ ) ( ᵔ ᴥ ᵔ )
The meal did not last long; soon servants came from the king's armory with equipment for the guests. Legolas and Aragorn received helmets, shields and chainmail shirts, while Gimli, who already wore a dwarfish breastplate, seemed happy with just a small shield and an iron cap. Théoden said he had worn the cap when he was a boy, and hoped it would serve the dwarf well. Turning to Gandalf, he continued: "Unfortunately, I have no armor for your cat companions."
It's cat 'companion', in singular form. We are not bringing the tom!
"I am sure they will manage," said Gandalf. For his own part, he had no need for armor either, but was promised another fine gift: the horse Shadowfax.
With all that settled, it was time for a last ceremony; a parting drink of wine for good health and success in battle. Éowyn gave the goblet to her uncle first, and then brought it to each of the guests in turn.
You gonna drink from that, with all the others' spit in it? Gross.
Legolas blanched. Why did you have to mention that? I cannot refuse; it is impolite.
Oops, sorry. But the alcohol has killed all the germs, I'm sure. You'll be fine.
Germs? What are– Nay. Don't tell me. Don't ever tell me! With a pained face he accepted the cup, discreetly wiped it on his sleeve and took a very small sip.
