The Edifice

47. Brotherhood

OTIS

I don't want to step foot in that place.

My entire essence shivers with revulsion just from my proximity to the warehouse. Not even from the mass of iron but rather the memory of screams, pain and waking up to so much blood that my first conscious thought was that this universe must be red.

I promised myself later in life- when I came to understand death and life's purpose- that I'd do no harm to anything else. I wouldn't become defined by destruction, whether it be animal, plant or inanimate object. That being said though, this place needs to be burned to the ground. I'd gladly do it myself just to watch this abhorrent scar on the world crumple and melt with the iron around it.

If the thought of what happened during my childhood- and Zagan's- once sickened me, it's nothing next to what I feel as I survey Development Warehouse 33 now.

"Put him down," I instruct Zagan, not even bothering to soften the bite in my words.

It's been over a year since I've spoken to my brother, just as long since I've seen him in person. The soft airbrush of adolescence has abandoned him, leaving him taller and bulkier than even his sporting days at school. It's the cruelty in his face that marks the evolution from childhood rivalry to whatever the fuck this is right now. It's the same evil cruelty he's always worn, I realise. The only change is that I can no longer excuse it.

The only three people I've ever loved are dying right in front of me and it's all because of the one who never loved me back.

I know what words are inevitably coming before they leave Zagan's lips.

"Or what?" Zagan loosens his grip on Lee enough to allow the warlock a single, titanic pant for air but does not remove his hands from his throat. Lips pull back to reveal a sad, bloodied smile. "What are you going to do, Otysses?"

Pinned at his feet like an upended turtle, Olivia looks up at me with hope in the silvery light of her eyes and stops struggling against my brother's weight. I wish I had an answer to warrant her relief.

"Zagan, I'm not going to hurt you. I swore I would never do that but you can't hurt the people I love and expect no consequences. We're not at home now-"

"There were always consequences at home, Otysses," Zagan snarls, spitting blood to make room for the vicious words he hurls. "These aren't people. They're insects. You're breeding with fucking insects and wondering why we despise you. This is exactly what Mom was trying to prevent you doing. You ruined our family."

The word slice through my chest as a cold, sharp blade. It breaches my heart, my soul and cuts through the chains I'd used to bind my feelings, letting them tumble out through every inch of my being. When I'd arrived I thought I had finally discovered fury, maybe enough to push me over the brink and fling Zagan as far away from me as I'd wanted him.

This isn't anger, though. It's shame, misery... and relief.

"I should have raised you better," I admit.

I've made so many excuses for him. That is was the pressure our parents put on him. That I was the only outlet safe enough for him to express himself. That time would give him the hindsight to see how his privilege came about and he'd actually wake up to how this world has always worked.

Comforting to know that I can at least lie to myself. My little brother is nineteen years old and still wilfully blind. It's no longer his friends or our parents and the education they pay for. Zagan Creed is just a terrible fucking person and maybe Lucia Creed was right. I am always going to be the better child for it.