Saturday Night Live

SNL | Chapter 3

My life was mess. My career was going down the toilet. Nobody was going to watch my screentests. I done plenty and gotten nowhere. I probably was on the No-Audition-List. My Saturday night turned depressing. I watched the sun go down then I decided to finish my sundae at the window, watching the twinkle twinkle little stars above me. The things I was thinking about made the dark night look ugly and I didn't like it so I thought of Hank Palmer and stared at a star that seemed to dance brighter than the other ones.

“Oh,” I sighed and hugged the empty bowl to my chest. “Hank...God...whoever...I need you...wherever you are. I need you. I wish I had you with me.” As those stupid wishful words slipped my tongue, the wind suddenly picked up as if the giant playing us like toys decided to turn on a fan. My hair went crazy, my clothes stuck to me, my skin gave birth to goosebumps. The wind made noise as if singing a strange song off-key. I ducked back inside, closed the window leaving about an inch open and slid close the curtains for the night. So much for star gazing, I thought as I refilled my bowl, came back to infront of the TV and sat on the sofa. I pressed Play and watched the scene all over again. Again I cried and cried about my career. About my life. Sadly about Hank.

“That should be me,” I cried at Hank. “She should be...I could play her! Hank, that could be me! Oh, God. Please. Just give me Hank for like...a week.” I sighed. Little did I notice I was falling into a somber I had no idea I felt coming. For some reason, I felt exhausted to the bone as if my day caught up with me like Highway Patrol. I propped down to my side, placed my bowl onto the floor and as soon as my head hit one of the throw pillows, my eyes bossed me into sleep. “Hank...”

The clock ticked for hours.

The night went on without me.

As I purred, the TV screen glitched, showed Hank pull away from Samantha and, look around like he was lost and hearing something he wasn't sure he was hearing and look back at Sam. The TV screen froze, glitched, froze again and then scattered into static. A distorted scream that should've woke me up but didn't filled the room in a distant echo. Then it got louder and louder. I stirred, twisted onto on my back, didn't mind a thing. The scream began to become clearer. A man's scream. The TV screen went bizarre into pixels then shattered like broken glass.

I felt something tickling my eye so I reached up in a daze and rubbed it. As I did, I noticed weird color lights behind my closed lids so I rose them up and saw the ceilings and walls painted in digital colors. The heart in my chest went for a run as I slowly craned my head towards the TV. What I was seeing myself seemed like a dream. It was a dream. I was dreaming!

The TV screen went into a pixel swirl storm and I tried to make out what it was doing but I couldn't. What was wrong with the TV? Was it breaking? Was it broken? What and why was it happening? Did I press some disco button on the remote I didn't know about? Party mode? I patted for the remote, found it and randomly press the buttons. Nothing happened. What?! I tried swallowing whatever fear I  was feeling about being home alone and continued to work the remote but nothing was working. I rose slowly from the couch, received the spoon for a weapon and took small steps towards the TV. I gasped at the sound of some unintelligent chatter coming from the speakers.

“Who's there?” The TV screen pulsed to the sound of my voice. I gasped again and recoiled, aiming the spoon at the screen like a sword. I was trembling and feeling helpless. I didn't know what was happening with my TV. I don't know if I was dreaming or not but this sure felt real. “Who's there?” I heard the voice again. I gave the screen a tap with the back of the spoon. “Come out of there! Who's th—”

What came next was a frightening scream as something came tossing out my TV like a portal opening. I threw myself onto the couch but I bounced off and flipped over the edge and cowered behind the back. I didn't think of doing anything else like running for the door to save my life.

Something didn't fall out my TV. Somethings don't groan. I could hear whatever fell out my TV groan because I wasn't making any noise myself. I forced myself to stop breathing which I was suffering because I was scared to death and my body was pumped with that adrenaline. Whatever it was continued to groan and  mumble under it's breath. I gulped and pressed my ear against the couch as if to get a better hearing on the other side of the couch.

“Wha...”

The sound of whatever it was speaking made me buck my eyes. A bulgur in my house?! “Please, please, go away,” I pleaded and wanted to slap myself after I said that. “Whe-whereever you-you-you came from...go-go back. I'm n-n-not really a fan of sci-fi.” All I could think of was an alien coming through my TV screen. Damn, where was my phone?! Call James! Call 911! Call Pest Control! Call—

“Shit...”

The something spoke English! Huh?! With the oxygen pumping in and out of my chest now, not caring if whatever it was heard me and my heart rising to my throat, I hitched up on my hunches and began to ease up, my fingers curling over the edge of the couch. I knew I was demented for doing this but I had to find out one way or another what the hell came out my TV.

First the top of my head came into view, then my forehead and finally, my glued shut eyes. Yeah, I was scared to see who or what it was. I mean, yeah it spoke but what did that mean? I lifted one lid carefully, keeping it narrow. It wasn't a something. It was a someone! I couldn't believe it! A total stranger in my house! I screamed for them to get out, picked up an object close to me and flinged my arm back to throw it at them.

“Get out! I'll cops the call!”

They let the object hit them in the face only because it didn't hurt. They kept it to their face as if it was face towel to cool them off. I didn't understand this one bit. My heart was beating so fast in my chest it started to place a cramp in my ribcage.

“Hey, didn't you hear me? I said I'll call the cops.” I stood to my full height but didn't move from behind the couch.

“You don't wanna do that,” they muffled behind the pillow. “I'm a lawyer.” After saying that, they heavily sighed and removed the pillow clockwise from their face  revealing the person behind it. His eyes were closed but I knew who it was immediately and it couldn't have been real!  All breathing I was rushing into my lungs came airing out in one exhale. I gasped and gasped but I couldn't get a good inhale in. The lid of my eyes stuck to my forehead. I couldn't believe this!

No way Robert Downey Jr would be on his knees looking like he had too much to drink and not enough sleep in the middle of my living room. Right in front of my couch. Right in front of me. This is what fall from out of my TV?! 

I panted the surge of excitement. “Raw...raw...raw...Robert?”

His brows crinkled above his eyes and he licked his lips. His throat bobbed to speak and by Heavenly God, I really wasn't dreaming. His voice was definitely real. It filled the silence in the livingroom, barely audible over my loud gasps of electricity when he talked to reply me.

“Ro...Robert?” He rasped in a grogily tone. “Who's Robert?” One heavy lidded eye a jarred to a squint. “The name's Palmer. Hank Palmer.”