probably some mha angst

why is this chapter so long

(picture: I'm in love with him I really need to read vigilantes)

The next day was rough for Izuku.  Really rough. He woke up a few minutes before his alarm, swallowed by a nightmare and he started the day with a panic attack.

He went to school that day, already emotionally exhausted. He could tell it was going to be a worse day than usual.

It was the middle of English class, mic was saying something or other in perfect English that he didn't understand. His head was in his hand and though he usually tried to learn as much as he could, he wasn't feeling up to it today. Whatsoever.

He took a deep breath, trying to ground himself as he felt that sinking feeling in his chest and that nervous tickle in his stomach. He felt like the world was caving in on him. His chest felt tight and he couldn't breath right.

He needed out of this space where it felt like everyone was looking at him, though in reality it was only a few classmates who had noticed his distress and we're concerned.

After another moment Present Mic started to pass out papers, pausing at Midoriya's desk, "kiddo do you need to step outside?"

The boy nodded tightly.

"Okay. Go do what you need to do, let me know if you need any help." Mic said calmly, giving the boy a friendly shoulder rub.

Izuku shuddered as he got up from his seat and made his way to the restroom. This was a different kind of panic attack than usual. It wasn't the crying because I was triggered kind it was the I feel overwhelmed for no reason this is terrifying am I ever going to be okay again kind.

He leaned over, putting his elbows on the sink, trying to think of anything to do. Something he had learned online that could help. Something. Anything.

He wasn't thinking rationally, he couldn't think. His mind was going in circles and it all lead to one thing.

So he tucked into a stall and rolled up his sleeve, popping off his phone case and picking up a long skinny razor blade that he took from a disposable razor.

He felt his body relax as he pressed it to his skin. On top of the recently healed scars. It was an instant relief, the feeling was mostly gone and he felt grounded. He felt safe again. Calm.

He took a deep shaky breath, grabbing toilet paper and pressing it firmly to the cuts, letting it soak up the blood.

He heard the bathroom door creak open and stayed completely silent, holding the side of the blade and the toilet paper flat to his arm.

"Midoriya? Are you in here?" A voice said.

"Yeah. Why??" He asked, trying to keep his voice steady and calm.

"Mr. Mic sent me to check on you. Are you okay?" Todoroki said. Izuku felt himself shaking again, still holding the toilet paper against his arm.

"Yeah." He said, but his voice wavered.

"Are you sure? You don't sound so sure."  Todoroki said. Izuku watched as Todoroki sat down outside of his stall, the farthest in, and leaned against it, sliding down so his was parallel to Izuku.

"I'm sure." Though he didn't sound like it at all. His hands were shaking holding his arm and the blade.

Todoroki sat there for a moment, "but you aren't, are you?"  He said after a while. The only response he got was a shaky breath and what sounded like a stifled cry.

Todoroki stuck his hand under the stall door, not thinking about what he was doing. Once he realized what he was doing he started to pull his hand up, but instead he found another hand in his.