Fight for us

Working all night

Ellie POV

Spending two days off with my son was definitely what the doctor ordered and now waving my son goodbye as he heads into school I don't know if i'm ready to let him go again, the fire scared me more then it scared my son and now I'm watching him enter the school I debate with myself whether homeschool is the way to move or whether I should just hold my tongue however I know that I cant loose Logan to a fire or anything he's the only thing I have left close to my heart and if I lose him I honestly think that would be my breaking point. No longer seeing my son I head back to my car ignoring all the looks I have received just now from the mothers, some of them knew I ran into a burning building while others know nothing about me which I have preferred lately, my own little perfect circle. Opening my car door I drive to work hoping they have stopped talking about me like I'm not there, I know they mean well and want me to open up but it isn't exactly easy for me to do when I'm afraid of losing everyone who gets close too me, parking the car in the car park I grab my duffle bag from the back seat before walking into the station, I have liked working here and it has come home but there still a piece of me holding back from everyone like my past which i'm sure will slowly come out if they pay attention closely as chief hasn't said a single word about me running into a burning and that will be clue one that I'm a trained fire fighter however I'm not sure if they are picking up the signs.

Walking around the fire house I try my best to dodge almost everyone but as I enter the kitchen everyone is standing around the table but when I enter everyone stops talking and turns to me like I'm holding a major secret, i stand where I am looking around waiting for them to carry on talking but it takes me leaving the room for them to talk again, normally I would stay around the corner and listen to what they got to say but last time I did that I over heard them talking about Tristan and I don't want to hear that again. Heading to the bunk room I lay on my bed starring at the ceiling, my mind is ticking but not the good kind as I think about Logan and how he's doing at school, I didn't want to watch him go but I knew it was what he wanted.

"Truck.... Engine.... Ambulance sixty-one, house fire on fifth avenue" Jumping to my feet I head to the ambulance climbing in the passenger seat as I see Megan climb in the driver seat as usual which I have never minded, she likes the driving while I like to relax a little before a fire. Fire scares me a little ever since I witness my husband lose his life to it, even though I don't show it sometime I mentally have to prepared myself for what may come. Counting my breaths I look out the window seeing the fire coming out of the top bedroom window, the smoke isn't pitch black yet which gives the fire fighters another time for a primary search and to make a vent, I hate that I know so much about fires. Standing beside the ambulance I wait patiently which isn't my strong suit but standing there I keep my eyes opening looking around the scene for anything that doesn't make sense, I'm not sure if anyone is still in the house but I know the fire has spread rather quickly for a house this size. Watching each fire fighter come out the building I spot one fire fighter with a man what looks like in his late forties, waiting for them to place him in front of us he starts coughing his lungs out, while Megan looks over his body for burns I open his airways trying to examine the amount of smoke he inhaled, then checking his heart rate. While I'm checking him over, the man fights me at every turn not wanting to be checked, shaking my head I place the oxygen mask on his face giving him a stern look before taking my eyes off him and onto the fire fighter matt

"Let me look now" I say to Matt as he tries to hide the burn on his arm, I noticed in the corner of my eye him shaking his arm when he came out the building, he looked in a little bit of discomfort. As Matt looks at me I can see him try to fight me but I am neither stupid or going to let him walk away and I know he knows that as he did the exact same thing to me when I was pulled out the house fire I ran into without protecting clothing. Matt has been at every corner waiting for me to open up, he hasn't pushed me but he has been one patient son of a bitch. Out of everyone in the fire house matt has been the only one to make sure I am ok and that I have everything I need, he keeps me updated on everything thats going on and he's turned out to be another over protective brother. I honestly though he be giving me lectures next but the look on his face says everything.

"Its nothing, see. I know you have had your fair close encounters" taking a look at his arm I ignore his last sentence knowing he may of picked up a couple of things I have done lately like running into burning building and if I knew someone would pick up the bread crumbs and I would of hoped it was Matt, he never fails to surprised me but he doesn't say anything else about it so I don't mention it. Treating Matt little burn I wrap it up before letting him go knowing he wont go to the hospital neither of the fire fighter will go to the hospital unless they were dying which is no shocker really. Driving to the hospital a couple of thoughts race to my mind as I see the hospital sign appear knowing we are close and the first thing that comes to mind is Archer, he's been in my mind a lot lately and I have been struggling to understand it. I'm coming close to Tristan anniversary of his death, I shouldn't be thinking about moving on even though I know thats what he wants, I would want that for him if I was the one who was killed but I wasn't and I can't just jump ship to another man.

With Tristan anniversary on my mind I try my hardest to avoid everyone at the hospital epically Archer whom I have seen already and nearly walked into like once or twice, Looking around the corner before I walk I make it back to the ambulance without a problem but Megan gives me the look but she doesn't question anything which I love about her, she also like Matt, has been waiting for me to open up and I'm surprised with myself that I haven't said anything yet knowing everyone is waiting for me too but I can't till I'm ready. I know its coming up to a year and every day still hurts like it was yesterday, I haven't given myself the time to mourn his loss as I kept myself busy from work, maybe I should mourn it may help me to move on.

"You ready girlie" nodding my head we head back to the fire station ready to grab some food hoping we can finish before getting called to another call, on a busy day I have like five second to eat and thats when I have a minute between driving in between each call, its hard sometimes to do anything on a busy day but it keeps my mind busy and that what I need when I know the day is getting closer and closer.