Nothing but Heartbreak

26. I'm not sorry

I didn't think my heart could break anymore than it already was.

I was wrong.

When Harlan apologized again and turned to leave that was when my heart finally shattered.

I had ruined everything again. I wanted to open my mouth and tell him I loved him and that I took everything I said back but the words wouldn't come out.

"You know what fuck that. I'm not sorry." Harlan turned to look at me again, the defeated look on his face was gone and he just looked annoyed.

I stayed silent. I wanted him to yell at me. I deserved it. I deserved his anger.

"I'm fucking awful at this. I have no idea what I'm doing. I dated one girl and it started with casual sex. I didn't know how to genuinely show how I felt and yeah maybe I did it in a shit way. Maybe I could've done things differently. I flirted with you and I'm sorry that I thought that was a good enough way at trying to show you I cared about you."

"You flirted with everyone. How was I supposed to know that with me it was different?" I asked.

"Because you're you. But you turned me down every chance you got. How the hell was I supposed to know how you felt? You act like you're the only one that got hurt but you take every opportunity to leave me. I have had to chase you for years just to have you in my life even as a friend. You hurt me so many times I can't even count. You think it was easy for me when you would just decide you were done with me? When you would just ignore me?"

I deserved this. I definitely deserved worse. I had been awful to Harlan over the years and I was honestly surprised he was here at all.

"I-,"

"I'm not done." He raised his hand up cutting me off. "I never understood you. I couldn't figure it out, why you had hated me, why you had pushed me away all these years. I just sat by and took any scraps you gave me like a sad little puppy as I waited to figure you out. I hadn't understood but I do now. I get it now. You're scared I'm going to hurt you the way your dad did. I know it's scary, I'm fucking nervous as hell over here because I know you could tell me to go to hell and break my heart. I know I haven't been perfect in the past but I'm here to say that I love you and I want you to take the risk with me. There is a chance that this goes terribly and we both end up hurt but I love you and I want you to trust me. I wouldn't hurt you, I wouldn't just walk away from you like he did. Let me in Ava."

I was speechless. Harlan had just poured his heart out to me and I had not expected it. I had thought that he would be angry with me. I had thought I had lost all my chances.

"I'm sorry. I've been awful to you." I cried not even bothering trying to hold back the tears.

I was the biggest bitch ever. How could he still love me after everything?

"Hey we both hurt each other over the years. We've both made mistakes but we can't go back and change anything." Harlan walked over to me and pulled me into his arms.

"I love you." I said into his chest as I cried.

"Stop trying to push me away." He said quietly.

"Ok." I nodded.

It was about time I stopped myself from self destructing. I wanted happiness. I wanted to spend my life with Harlan. I had to let myself have what I wanted at least this one time. I couldn't keep hurting myself and Harlan.

I didn't deserve this chance from him but I would take it and try to prove to him I am worth it.

Harlan pulled my face away from his chest and tilted it to look up at him. He smiled slightly as he wiped my tears away with his thumbs.

"I hate that I hurt you." I choked out.

"It's in the past, but try not to break my heart ok?" He kissed the top of my head and I melted right there under him.

"I won't. Now that I have you I don't plan on messing it up." I said truthfully.

"Oh do you have me?" He grinned.

"Yep I've decided you are now stuck with me." I laughed lightly.

The rollercoaster of emotions I felt was seriously exhausting. I was sad because I felt guilty for how I had hurt Harlan in my efforts of self destruction but I was happy because Harlan was here and he was mine.

"Good I wouldn't want it any other way." He leaned down and finally claimed my lips with his.

Our second kiss was far better than the first one. Knowing that this man loved me made everything better. I think I could kiss him forever and not be tired of him.

How had I tried to deprive myself of this feeling all these years?

The guilt weighed heavy on my heart but I'd have to do something to try to make up for everything.

The first step was being the best girlfriend ever.

"Will you officially be my boyfriend?" I asked once he pulled away.

"Yes." He chuckled.

"What's funny?" I eyed him.

"This whole thing. It's kinda funny if you think about it. We got married, you were my wife and now you are asking me to be your boyfriend. We are doing everything out of order."

"We got married and then ended our marriage all before we even had our first kiss." I burst out into laughter.

It wasn't really that funny but I think I was semi delirious from the kiss and the love confessions. Also exhaustion. But I was glad to see I wasn't the only one when Harlan joined in my laughter.

The sound of his laugh was the best sound I had ever heard.

I was planning on hearing that sound a lot more.

Preferably for the rest of my life.

A/n:

It finally happened!! You're welcome for not making you all wait for this one. I just couldn't make you all wait on last chapters ending knowing that this one was next.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and if you did don't forget to comment and vote!

-Cora Leigh