Lilac's Lies

40

"I'm so happy we're on the same page again, babe," Jesse told me as he stroked my hand.

We were in his car, driving to school. I felt like a fish in an aquarium, swimming around and around the tank I'd never be able to escape. Once I saw that video, I knew it was over. Jesse did too, which was probably why he was acting the way he was acting. He was smiling, holding my hand, complimenting me. He refused to leave my house last night, and I had to push myself as far away from him as possible in my tiny bed. I barely slept a wink.

"Yeah," I muttered, not bothering to try and pull my hand away. There was no point now, was there? Jesse had me, and he had me good. All it would take was that video falling into the police's hands, and it's goodbye life, hello jail.

"But, let me make this clear, Lilly. If you come home wearing another guy's clothes again, you're going to need a lot more than makeup to hide what I'll do to you," Jesse said, but the tone of his voice sounded like he was asking me how my day went, not threatening me with violence.

"I said I was sorry," I told him. I had, over and over again. I didn't know what I meant by it. A part of me was sorry that I had slept with Roman, because things would be so much simpler if I hadn't. But, I knew I wasn't really sorry. The night we had spent together was perfect, and I wished for a thousand nights exactly like that one.

But, it would never happen. I realized that now.

"I know you're sorry, babe. With that freak out of our lives, you'll remember who you really want to be with," Jesse told me as he squeezed my hand.

"Okay," I mumbled, not bothering to fight it anymore. I had no more fight left.

Things were different this morning as Jesse and I walked into the school. We did everything the same, Jesse's arm was wrapped around my neck in a way that made me anxious. His arm was like a chain made of thick metal, trapping me to him. He nodded his head in greeting to everyone he walked by, his cheesy smile on his face. He oozed confidence like he always did, his eyes twinkling like he had nothing to hide.

Yet, people didn't watch us as they usually did- with a glance of reverence, and a hint of jealousy. No, today they watched us with curiosity and judgement. Obviously it was due to Jesse's behaviour at the party this weekend. His bruised face as a reminder to everyone. Not only did they see him be laid out by Roman, they saw a glimpse of the person behind his mask, and I think they realized it wasn't as handsome as he seems to be.

I kept my eyes straight ahead, through what I really wanted to do was run and hide somewhere quiet. I wanted to be alone to sift through my thoughts. To sift through my regrets.

We stopped at my locker, Jesse not removing his grip around my neck as I struggled to operate the combination lock. I could hear Jesse's voice in my ear, talking to someone down the hall. I didn't care to understand what he was saying, I didn't care about anything right now. At all.

Yet, I breathed a sigh of relief when he let go of me finally, muttering something to me before he left to go speak to whomever caught his eye. My muscles relaxed once he was away from me, and I felt like I took the first breath I had taken since I was in Roman's apartment. I closed my eyes as my body processed the oxygen, and I was just about to open them when I felt someone beside me.

"So... you're still with him?" The voice asked me, and I didn't have to wonder who it was. I knew that voice by now.

I opened my eyes in panic, though I barely looked at Roman before scanning the hallway for Jesse. I breathed a sigh of relief when I couldn't see him, and turned back to my locker.

"You can't be here right now, Roman." I muttered, praying that he would understand and leave. The last thing I needed was a repeat of this weekend.