POT OF POTION

maybe i should've stayed.

caught up - nathanie

i see you with her, holding onto her waist and caressing her hair ever so gently, i smile a little. oh how i loved it when you did that to me, the little butterflies in my stomach fluttering at your actions. i remember our promises, the lies we said through the smiles that masked our faces. " i'll wait, i'll wait no matter how long it takes to get my sunshine back ". my heart aches at those words now. i'll wait, such simple words yet so hard to follow by. soon you found a prettier smile, a sun who blazed brighter, someone who put a bigger smile on your face. and i smile, i smile at the thought of you peppering her with kisses. promising her the same empty promises we said to each other. the same hope for our love to last till our skin gets all wrinkly, and hair grows grey.

does she lay on your chest the way i did, listening to your heartbeat as she falls asleep, the feeling of safety as your hands wrap her ? i can't handle the thought of that. it makes my heart shatter into little pieces, unable to be put back together, no matter what.

and it's all my fault. my fault for leaving, our fault for not fulfilling the promises we made.

JAY'S NOTES 💭
i really thought i improved my
writing when i wrote this pls now i'm rereading it and it's absolute crap