Never Leave Your Heart Alone

Chapter 79

Meredith held Derek's hand as they walked towards the small building. He was nervous. She could tell he was nervous. She had never seen him like this. He wasn't talking. He always talked to her. No words were being formed. Nothing was passing his lips. His hand was tense as it held hers. She felt bad. Really bad. Maybe it was a bad idea. Maybe she shouldn't have pressured him. They took their seat in the lobby. Meredith looked around at the other people. She wondered if they felt how she and Derek did. She looked over at him. Derek looked straight forward.

"I'm sure it will be fine." Meredith said softly as she squeezed his hand.

He didn't acknowledge her comment. It made her feel even worse. She wasn't even able to comfort him. She heard them call his name. They made their way down the hallway, hand in hand. They both sat on the plush leather chairs in front of the large desk. She heard the woman mumble something about him being right in.

"Derek. It's no big deal." Meredith said as she looked at him. He looked over at her. His face showed how offended he was.

"No big deal? You do realize that in a few moments I may learn that I can't make a child with you." He said sadly as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Every time you took a test and it was negative, I felt it too. I felt guilty. It could be me, Mer. It could be me..."

Meredith didn't know what to say. He was right. It could be him. It was always in the back of her head that it could be him. If it was, then what? If her is sterile, they are done. There was definitely no fixing that. She heard the door open behind them. They both turned around to see the older grey haired man walk in. He introduced himself. The air in the room was thick. There was so much tension.

"So how are you, Dr. Shepherd?" Dr. Finch asked as he sat down in his chair. He looked happy, pleased almost. Meredith tried to read him. Maybe she could prepare herself. Then it would be better. Maybe not. It was inevitable.

"I think I will know after you tell me what that paper says." Derek said quickly with a fake smile.

"Oh yes." Dr. Finch said as he glanced at the sheet. "Um. Well-" He paused.

Derek and Meredith both gripped their seats. They were waiting for the news, either way it was bad. One of them was to blame.

"I have to be blunt here." He said as he looked up. "Dr. Shepherd, with your sperm count, I think you could impregnate a tree." He said with a chuckle. Derek looked at him wide-eyed.

"Seriously?" Derek asked. Dr. Finch nodded his head yes. There was a huge wave of relief that ran over him. It wasn't him. Nope not him. He was not to blame here. His joy quickly disappeared. There was only one other person in the room it could be. He looked over at her. This wasn't good.

Meredith couldn't believe it. It was her. All of this was on her. Her stupid empty uterus and retarded eggs. She felt like she was being eaten alive from the inside out. The emotional turmoil inside of her was immense. She felt sick. She felt like she was dying. How could this be? He could impregnate a tree? Ha ha, so funny... She was less fertile than a tree... She couldn't take it. But she wasn't going to cry.

She was lost in thought. She felt Derek touch her arm. Dr. Finch was standing up. Derek was standing up. And there she sat. She sat like she had a cinder block in her pants. She looked up and used all of the force she could muster. She quickly stood up. She followed Derek to the car. The moment they reached the parking lot, it all came up. She hurled in the bushes. She wiped her mouth and Derek wrapped his arm around her, leading her to the car. They rode in silence for a few minutes.

"I am less fertile that a tree..." She muttered. Derek looked over at her and his face dropped. He felt guilty. He had been feeling so sorry for himself. He hadn't thought about what good news for him, meant for her.