I'll Share With You My Heartbeat

fourteen

Having Lennon's eyes on him was a whole new sensation in itself.

Kieran wasn't used to being seen. Both figuratively and literally. Sometimes the boy's undivided attention on him made his skin dance with nerves. And this was definitely one of those moments as Lennon stared blatantly at him through the viewfinder of his camera.

The chestnut boy had led him to a spiraling stairwell next to an art museum, where he claimed had a variety of shapes he could experiment with.

Kieran sat with his legs crossed near the top, gazing down at Lennon, who fiddled with his gear. The boy had handed the ravenhead an open umbrella as a prop.

While Socks was asleep, half-buried in the hoodie that Lennon ended up taking off and placing on the ground like a cat burrito. At least he had a white shirt underneath because Kieran was sure his entire being levitated in panic when Lennon took off the first layer of clothing.

"Nice necklace," Lennon commented suddenly, noticing the accessory through his camera. He pressed a few buttons.

"Oh yeah." The ravenhead reached for it on instinct. "Thanks."

"Did you make it?"

"My friend did. They made it for me."

"You have another human friend?" Lennon perked up. There was no trace of jealousy or shock. Just pure curiosity. Just pure Lennon. He finally finished setting up his tripod.

Kieran shook his head. "They're another... ghost like me."

The chestnut boy made eye contact. "How many of you are there?"

He shrugged, uncrossing his limbs. "Just me and my one ghost friend. I don't know why I haven't come across anyone else, actually." He paused, taking a deep breath. "So. When I, um, found out I committed suicide..."

He drifted off when he saw Lennon visibly stiffen, all movements ceasing, afraid that how wasn't the time to bring it up again.

But the boy was nodding. "Only if you want to talk about it," he told him gently.

Kieran let Lennon lower himself down on the stairs next to him before leaning against the railing and continuing. "I want to tell you how everything works... if that's okay."

"Yeah. It's okay."

"It's a lot," the ravenhead added, almost as if he himself was fishing for excuses not to continue on this topic. He looked away.

Lennon clasped his hands together, craning his neck forward to see Kieran's face. "You should know by now that I like long explanations on how the universe works," he said with a lopsided grin.

The boy's grins always prompted a smile from Kieran. His shoulders loosened. "Alright." He organized his thoughts and raised his index and middle finger. "There are two kinds of deaths. Natural deaths— diseases, old age, accidents. And then there's me— those who ended their own lives." He paused. "Name one person you know committed suicide."

Lennon's brows scrunched. "I don't think I know anyone..."

"Mhm. Cause in this world, suicide is just a stigmatized idea that simply cannot exist. Therefore whenever it happens, the universe resets." He gestured to himself like a robot explaining his own mechanisms. "Hence I do not exist. Hence everyone who kills themself doesn't exist. They're... removed essentially."

The boy's arms held onto his stomach like he was queasy at the thought. "How about your friend?"

"Oh they exist," Kieran replied, tilting the umbrella in his hand, "They found their afterlife ticket— a family heritage ring that belonged to them. Honestly, I don't know why they bother waiting for me to cross over. It's been very clear I'll never find my way over without any evidence of existence."