Bees & Honey [H.S]

Chapter 67

Harry's POV

Sigh... Sometimes - or often - you build up scenarios in your head. You paint the picture of how things are supposed to go. In most cases it ends in the best outcome. A happy ending. It ends with you having everything you wanted and wished for.

Well...  The end of 2018 didn't exactly go as planned.

Shortly after that karaoke night, Clare showed a side to her that completely took me by surprise. I think I could speak for everybody to say that we were shocked when she jumped to her friends defense for his rape charge. Not me, the rest of the band nor the fans were happy with her stance on the subject.

I didn't have to fire her, she took a step back herself. She knew it had to be done, and if she didn't do it herself then I would've had to. It saved us a lot of drama. And it was simpler for her to do so now that we weren't doing any shows, and I didn't need to feel stressed about finding a replacement. Although I knew that we had to get started with the process of that sooner rather than later.

What was sad was that you thought that you knew someone, especially after being on a road together. However, that was a lesson I learned- people keep surprising you when you least expect it. And to say that I was disappointed was an understatement. 

Then, of course, there was Bianca. Always that one thing, that one person, that I could never shake off easily.

In my head I had imagined that me, finally confessing my feelings, would end in her bursting out in a "finally" and coming running into my arms with that epic kiss that always comes with the ending scene, happily moving on to the credits. But as said, the end of 2018 didn't live up to that...

I knew that Bianca had celebrated the holidays with her family before leaving for Paris with Philippe, celebrating New Year's with his family. That much Mitch had told that she had planned from their last meet up. Him and Sarah last hung out with her before Christmas over drinks at Casper's, mostly talking and updating her on the Clare drama. Then again, I knew that their friendship extended further than just that meet-up, her and Sarah chatting continuously. And as a boyfriend to Sarah, that automatically inserted Mitch into that friendship too. With that said, I knew Mitch was just trying to be a friend to both me and Bianca. 

Despite that, I knew that all I had to do was ask, but I didn't want to openly admit to being a stalker. Instead, I was trying my hardest to find out as much as I could without admitting to being one... rather just acting like one. I couldn't help it, I couldn't stop myself. I know what was said that night, of course I did. I remembered all of it. It was still replaying in my head. I was close to going crazy repeating it over and over again in my head.

To say that I regretted my part of it was wrong. But to say that I was proud of it was wrong too.

Neither of us were wrong. But neither of us were right either.

I guess the tough two months that I had gone through left traces on my face, or had even carved words of my state onto my forehead. Because when I stepped my foot through the door back home for the Christmas holiday, mum saw that in the blink of an eye. I could read that on her face as well as she had just read mine. Her already kind and warm eyes softened even more when they fell on me, standing in her hallway. Noticing in an instance how the duffel bags in each of my hands wasn't the cause of my sloping shoulders.

It was clear to me that it was written all over my face when I saw the same switch of expression when Gemma, followed by her boyfriend Michal, walked down the stairs to say hello.

Not a lot needed to be said, they sort of just understood without me needing to use my words. All I wanted was to soak in the feeling of being home, being with family. Playing games, eating good food, laughing... That was the best comfort I could think of and that in itself was happiness. I only hated the fact that this was yet another Christmas with something clearly being off with me, and it affecting them. Just like last year I felt their concerned eyes on me. This time around they didn't need to put on a mask since I obviously didn't have Camille with me.