Stay With Me - Yeongyu FF

Chapter 47

Beomgyu POV

I read this thing somewhere, someone who said that life isn't a fairytale, but that doesn't mean it can't have a good ending. I'm hoping that at least Yeonjun gets a good ending. I think my fight is lost. There are just too many odds stacked against me, you see what I mean? I'm sick, dying, paralysed.

I'm saying this because I feel my strength leaving me when Yeonjun and I head home the day after our first anniversary. I'm just trying to carry a water bottle to my lips, but my arms are tough to bring up. I'd already asked Yeonjun to open the bottle at a red light, and now I still can't drink because I can't bring it to my mouth. I wait until I'm home to get a glass of water, which is much lighter than a bottle. Yeonjun can't stay with me very long and leaves almost as soon as he drops me off, which is kind of sad. I can't help but tell 'Ma about the weakness in my arms, because if it aggravates, I won't be able to push myself around. She says it might be precisely because I have been pushing my wheelchair around these last few days, and suggests I stay in bed tomorrow so I can rest. I accept, I don't have any plans anyway, and so end up sleeping 90% of the day.

Yet even after all that bed bound rest, my arms still feel like they've lost all willpower to move, so I ask 'Ma to bring me to Dr. Jeon's office. I usually never ask to go to the hospital, so she's a little worried. I tell her that my arms haven't got better. It doesn’t help calm her down. She brings me to the hospital in a slight hurry and asks if Dr. Jeon has time for me. The nurse goes to his office and says he’s got quite a few appointments one after the other today. ‘Ma tries to negociate an appointment, but I tell her it’s no use. I ask the nurse myself if there is another doctor in the same department who can take me in, and ask if they can give that other doctor my medical files. The nurse says that there is a doctor who is free right now and calls them to take care of me. As soon as they come to us, they introduce themselves as Dr. Lee, take the medical files another nurse had brought and took me in. He asks that ‘Ma stay outside for this, and we enter the office together. He helps me to climb onto the bed and test my arms’ reflexes. Sure enough, they barely respond. The doctor then checks the medical files and sighs.

“I don’t know what Dr. Jeon usually does as a checkup, but I think the disease is getting the better of you. Your arms’ motor nerves have almost been completely eaten up. Have you had any difficulty speaking? Breathing?” he asks.
“Not in a while” I answer.
He purses his lips “ It might come soon”

I nod. I think I was expecting it. After all, Dr. Jeon did say last time that I had entered the final phase, the one that would, literally, be the death of me. Although I wasn’t expecting my nerves to degrade so fast, it’s been only a month since my legs have gone numb after all. He seems rather sorry about my state, but because I don’t really know him, I don’t tell him that I hate being looked at like that. He helps me back into my wheelchair, saying that there isn’t much to do about it, that the medicine they have been giving me won’t have any effect anymore. I give off a soft sigh, thinking about how I can tell this to ‘Ma, to Junie. ‘Ma’s been scared of my death ever since my diagnosis, Yeonjun was scared of losing me ever since we’ve met, but I won’t be able to ease their fears. I could in the past, with every new appointment I ended in smiles and laughter, but now I can’t anymore. The doctor asks that we bring ‘Ma in and tells her the final diagnosis. I see her face lose the hope she’d probably been trying to build up while I was alone with him.

“This soon?” she asks, her face slowly getting pretty pale.
“Breathe, ‘Ma,” I tell her, giving her a small hug, that she rejects.

The doctor nods, and explains that usually, when the first nerves start to ‘shut off’, the rest follow pretty quickly. She nods understandingly. She’s scared because I’m her son, but she still understands that this is how the illness works, and there’s nothing we can do about it.

‘Ma pushes me back to the car and carries me into the seat. I can barely put the seatbelt on, but I manage without ‘Ma's help, trying to show her that for now, I’m still fine. We get home, and I pull myself with difficulty onto the couch to lie down and try to gather some energy with a nap.

When I wake up, ‘Ma is sitting beside me, watching TV. I carry myself up so my head is on her thigh and make myself a little more comfortable.

“You’re awake. Did you sleep well?”
“I was just trying to get some energy”
“Did you manage to gather some?”
I shrug “I think”

She sighs. We're both pretty much at a loose end at this point. I have lost all hopes for a normal future with Yeonjun, and I don't dare tell him what the doctor just said. I know that I have to, though, and reluctantly dial his number.

He answers pretty quickly, with the usual 'Hello?' of hesitation everyone has when getting a call.
"Hey baby, it's me," I say, probably already alarming him because I usually call him either Yeonjun or Junie but never baby.
"Hey Beom, are you any better?"
"Kind of but not really," I answer as I explain to him what the doctor's told me. He stays silent for a while, and I can hear his sighs of powerlessness and slight disappointment after a few minutes.
"I guess it was just logical," he says regretfully, "But we were so close to getting you back to normal…"
"The disease would've caught up to me one way or another" I say.
I hear him sigh again. "If it's really going to go this fast… Beomgyu, I'm not ready"
I feel my heart pinch. He's not gonna do it, is he? He's not gonna leave me? "I'm not either, but we don't have a choice"
"Your arms will go numb, your back will weaken, you'll be bed bound, you won't be able to speak, we'll have to get you to the hospital because you won't be able to eat, and then…"
"Don't you think you're projecting too far?" I ask, albeit knowing damn well that it wasn't that far away.
"I don't know Beomgyu. All I know is that I don't want to see you go through this"
At this point, I decide to ask him what's bugging me: "Yeonjun…

You're not planning on leaving me, are you?"

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Hehehehehehehe

Dun dun dun

Eh, I actually made an acceptable ending and updated after an acceptable amount of time.

My proud ass shall take its leave

Goodluck with life