We the Weirdos

Chapter Eleven (Lysander's POV)

From the look on Julia's (yes, I have officially stopped calling her random names because I've... ugh, fine, I've used all the ones I could think of but I'm still not going to call her her actual name to her face, and I promise) face, I know she knew from the look on my face I had been crying.

But since you're probably thinking about my helplessly awesome self, I always have a reason to cry. The reasons are always reasonable. Crying over potato chips is pretty reasonable, if I say so myself.

So I was crying because... well, I was buying time. I found out buying time actually didn't cost any money, and that was the amazing part.

I was just slowing the big guys down, trying to give Julia time so she can bust in with her superhero powers and let me out of this Cheeze-it hating place.

Or she could've just fought, argued, but seriously, watching her bust in would be so much funnier.

I was fake crying and making faces at the big guys, asking them if the pillows in jail were soft. I told them I had a sensitive head, and all they told me was, "You just have a BIG head. Don't worry. There ain't no pillows for you to sleep on in jail." Then they started snickering with each other.

But when I was led into the room where Julia was, I actually was crying. What if there really weren't any pillows in jail? I'd die. If getting arrested doesn't kill me, the pillow-less cells will. Or if neither kill me then my mom probably will. So I'll be dying soon. Attend to my funeral just because I'm so awesome. Just remember to bring a whole truck full of tissues. You'll need it.

If I died, I'll just tell my friends to update my social medias just to scare the crap out of people. I have a plan if I die, don't worry. My will will go to the Cheeze-it company. Read that sentence again so you'll understand.

As I walked to the car, I mimicked under my breath, "You're walking on thin ice."

"Well, has anyone thought of going back on the sidewalk? They exist for a reason, idiots." I muttered. I even said it quietly, but apparently, Julia, with her superpowered hearing or whatever, she still heard me. And snickered.

We walked in silence until she asked, "Why are you being so quiet? Did you leave your mouth in the police station? If you did, I'm not going back with you to get it. And WHY THE HECK do you look like you're crying?" She said. "But it's probably going to be something pathetic, so I actually don't wanna know why."

"Lucky for you," I said, "I don't wanna tell you why."

"Oh! In that case, I wanna know why." Bruh. What is wrong with her? Probably everything. But I really don't mind. At least she's not complaining that I'm walking, like, thirty miles behind her. She even had to turn around to yell at me.

"WHY DON'T YOU WALK FASTER? YOU'RE SLOWER THAN MY PET TURTLE!" Never mind. I just jinxed myself. Yay.

"Wait...you have a pet turtle? What's his name?" I asked, truly interested.

She didn't say anything and crossed her arms. "I'm not telling you. It's private."

WELL WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE FRICKIN TURTLE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Another thing: I'm pretty sure the turtle didn't exist.

"Do you actually know where we're going?" She stopped. "We've been walking in the opposite direction the whole time. What street do you think we are on?"

"Well, it doesn't look like you know where we're going either. How hard is it to stay on a sidewalk?" I said to her.

"Very hard, apparently." She said, putting on a bored face. "Says the one that's walking on grass and TRESPASSING." She pointed at my feet.