Amazed

Chapter 17: Let me breathe

"Please don't, I'm not in the mood to talk with you," Y/N stated as they tried to get around Wanda.

She, however, was becoming relentless about getting them to open up and talk to her, "Just tell me what happened, Y/N. You can talk to me. I want to know," she said as she stepped in front of them to block their path.

Y/N was doing everything in their power to keep the rage in their body down. Without responding, they tried once again to step around her, but once again, she stepped over to stop them.

"Wanda! I said I don't want to talk about it!" Y/N yelled at the top of their lungs. At this point, they weren't too far from the kitchen where the rest of the team had been sitting around talking. Nat and Steve heard the yelling and quickly made their way to see what was going on.

"What the hell is going on?" Nat asks as she and Steve round the corner to see Wanda and Y/N standing barely inches apart. 

As Wanda turned her head and tried to start talking, Y/N stepped in front of her, "Nothing. Everything is fine," They answered.

It seemed as though the two had fallen right back into the feud that they had before Y/N left two years ago.

"Why are you lying, Y/N?! I saw what you were thinking!" Wanda yelled as she grabbed their wrist to stop them from leaving.

This had been the second time she'd grabbed them, but as they were about to turn to ream her for pushing them to talk, Yelena rounded the corner.

"What are you all doing- Wanda? Why are you holding Y/N's arm like that?!" She said as her voice began to raise and she walked toward them, ripping Wanda's hand from the grip she had on their arm, "Don't touch them like that! You don't get the right to do that."

Y/N began walking away with Yelena when Wanda decided she had to get one last word in, "Don't act like you know them, Yelena! You don't know anything about them. They're going to do the same thing to you like they did to me if they keep holding everything in!"

Yelena stopped dead in her tracks with her back to Wanda, processing what she had just said. Before any of them could stop her, she had turned around, gun in hand, pointing directly between Wanda's eyes.

"Just because you're a witch doesn't mean I'm scared of you and it doesn't mean you should underestimate me. Keep your mouth shut," She stated as Nat's eyes widened while she rushed to push Yelena's hand down.

"Oh, oh my god. Yelena, you can't do that. Come on, let's go," Nat said as she ushered her out of the hall and up to her room.

Steve rushed over between Y/N and Wanda, "Let's go, Y/N. You need to calm down."

The two left Wanda in the hall as they made their way to the back lawn. As soon as their feet hit the grass, Y/N fell to their knees gasping for air. The anger that was boiling was now mixed with anxiety from the memories and the new war that was starting between Wanda and Yelena.

They rolled to their back, hands over the head as they tried to regulate their breathing.

"Jesus, Y/N. What is going on with you today?" Steve asked as he kneeled next to them.

Everything had gotten out of hand with this. All they wanted was to breathe and it felt as though no one would give them the chance to do so, except Yelena.

Tears started streaming down the sides of their face before hitting the ground.

"Please talk to me. I need to know what's happening so that we can help you," He pleaded.

Y/N lifted themselves to their elbows as their breaths were slowing. Their mind was still racing but it was becoming easier to pull the words together.

"Nothing I say right now is to be repeated. Not to Nat, Yelena, Tony, no one. Especially not Wanda, either," they started as Steve nodded for them to continue, "When I was gone in those two years, our unit went on a mission to get intel on a HYDRA base. They were steps ahead of us and knew that I would be in their vicinity... The whole unit was captured."

Steve's eyes widened even as he tried to keep his face level.

"I don't want to talk about details. Not right now. Just know that I was there for three months. I'm not ready to talk about it and Wanda was pushing me. She just wouldn't stop, which was making everything worse," Y/N said.

Steve leaned back off his knee and sat down fully on the grass as he took in everything they were telling him.

"Then Tony told me that I haven't made any progress, that I'm still the same person I was when I left here. As soon as that conversation finished, Wanda caught me again..."

He leaned over to grab their hand, "You don't have to tell me anything else right now, but I do think that we need to get you help."

"I'm in therapy, uncle Steve. I've been going for a year and I've been doing great, but you should know better than anyone that PTSD doesn't just go away. You're not cured. I was triggered this morning but it's fine. I'll talk to my therapist about this. I'll keep working on it."

The two held eye contact in silence for a few seconds as Steve tried to think through what they had just told them, "Let's get you up to your room. I'll go talk with Tony and Wanda," He started as Y/N furrowed their eyebrows quickly knowing that they had just told him not to tell anyone, "I won't tell them! I'm just going to tell them to lay off you until you're ready to talk about what happened."

Y/N nodded as they rose to their feet and made their way up to their room alongside Steve.

"Before I head back to talk to them, can we talk about Yelena for a second and how she whipped her gun out at Wanda?" He asked quizzically. Neither of them had seen that side of her before. Of course she was a trained assassin like her sister, but they'd only seen the sweet parts.

"Honest to god, I have no idea. I'm going to have to talk to her about that. I appreciated the sentiment but..." They trailed off.

"But you're not sure if she's able to keep her cool when she needs to? Sounds like someone I used to know," He answered.

Y/N rolled their eyes knowing he was hinting at the issues they used to have years ago, "One, that was uncalled for. Two, no. I just need to know if that was a jealous act or if it was in defense of her character. Either way, we need to talk about everything," They answered.

Steve made his way out of their room as he closed the door behind him, finally leaving Y/N alone to sift through their thoughts.

The day had been absolutely far too eventful and it wasn't even four in the afternoon yet. They had woken up next to Yelena, been triggered to their traumatic memories, argued with Wanda (twice), argued with Tony, and then faced with Yelena holding her gun to Wanda's forehead.

At this point, Y/N felt like they could sleep for the next few days because of how exhausted their mind was.

This is so fucked up, they thought, I'm so fucked up.